Fixies with No Brakes

I actually had the misfortune of over hearing one hipster telling another about how he used to own a fixie with no brakes. The other hipster then responded that that’s how all fixies should be. The line of logic I believe at play here is that being able to stop the vehicle a person is currently taddling atop while cruising around a metropolitan area that located mostly on the sides and peaks pf various hills is super confprmist and being a blood stain at the base of any of these hills is awesomely ironic. Fucking christ man, I hate to be the one that says it but these people need to go and just right properly fuck off. Why would you ever want a thing like brakes when you can just blow through four way intersections and buy a new pair of canverse every other week because the soles fell out. Which is super hip, you guys.

The thing of it is I wasn’t even in South Park or Golden Hill when this happened. That kind of thing I understand, my tolerance for hipster bullshit goes way up whenever Im forced into those nieghborhoods. It would be like going to Hillcrest and complaining about dudes holding hands in front of Rich’s or being upset at the sight of homeless people at the end of the OB Pier. But this, no this was dt in Litaly. In front of the Ballast Point Tasting Room.  Tell you what though I honestly hope this bag of mush gets his wish and all fixie bicycles have their brakes removed. Nothing says non-conformist like SDPD scaping a tangled mess of skinny jeans, mustache wax, a fixed gear bike and a banjo off of the back of an MTS bus parked at the bottom of B Street Hill.

pictured: B St Hill

How Is Bar Paly Not Way More Famous?

I would like to take a moment to proudly introduce Bar Paly a Russian/Israeli model and owner of possibly the longest torso I have ever seen.  For reasons I simply can not even begin to comprehend there simply arent that many pictures of this girl out there.  She was in an episode of How I Met Your Mother for one episode back in 2010, was in Pain and Gain in 2013 and is featured in a 2014 movie with Liam Neeson titled Non-Stop.  Since there are so few pics out there of her and she isnt nearly as famous as she should be/is about to become I’m just going to go ahead and say I was buying stock in Bar Paly back in the early days

Empty Rafters In Anaheim

My seats were alright

I was at the Bruins vs Ducks game up in Anaheim Tuesday night and I noticed something.  Specifically this:

Doesn’t it seem strange that the Honda Center (formerly The Pond, way cooler name) doesn’t have one single thing mentioning their 2007 Stanley Cup Championship? It’s not just me is it?  That’s really really strange, right?  I would think that an organization would want to somehow commemorate the single highest moment in the franchises history somewhere visible in their home arena.  I guess not though.  Some things just arent meant to be understood so I guess we’ll just chalk this one up to Southern California hockey and move on.

PS –

I also think its really strange that the crowd doesn’t do the “Quack, quack, quack” chant like in the Mighty Ducks movies.  Such a golden opportunity wasted. I would definitely try to get a quack quack quack chant going if I was a Ducks fan.

Quite The Crowd At The Clippers Game Last Night

So Doc Rivers’ Clips held home court last night and marched past the Celtics on the back of Blake Griffin’s 29 points.  Thats to be expected, the Clippers even sans Chris Paul are a far superior team to the Boston Celtics.  The C’s did put up a fight as it appears almost every player on the roster is auditioning to be the next one traded to a contender.  Thats not what we’re here to discuss today.  No today I would like to talk about the awesome crowd behind one of the baskets last night.  This is their reaction to Blake Griffin getting up and (sort of) over  Kris Humphries:

Now this man’s Mini Mouse swerve is obviously the the first thing that will catch your eye, and rightfully so.  That shit is on point.  But there are so many other hidden little gems in this one.  Lets break it down one by one:

Mr Scarf over here sitting on the left hand of Mr Mini is the perfect stereotype partner for Mini Mouse.  Just covering up his reaction with his scarf.  Strange play for sure.  I’m not too sure what would possess you to do that but then again I don’t know what possesses a man to wear a scarf in LA.  Seriously bro it was like 73 degrees yesterday.  Knock that shit off.

So Kieth Richard’s has apparently perfected the art of time travel and has used this gift to attend Clippers games.  And it is is blowing young Kieth Richard’s fucking mind.  Like something was finally awesome enough to cut through the cloud the permanently surrounds his brain.  Looks like even with a second shot at youth Kieth Richards is still making wonderful decisions.

Head down, completely zoned out staring at the iPhone.  Probably watching a sick Blake Griffin dunk compilation video on YouTube or something.  Money well spent for those seats.

Honestly I have no explanation for this but for some reason this asian lady just cracks me right the fuck up.  That might make me a racist but I can’t help it that she makes me giggle every time I look at her.

Glasses guy here seems really melancholy about the whole affair.  His lack of reaction is actually pretty fucking creepy.  Especially when juxtaposed to the guy behind him who has literally had Blake Griffin take his breath away.

This black lady is killing the dunk reaction game.. You can see from her cuffs she clearly is fairly dressed and is sporting some type of blazer or another.  Doesn’t make a bit of difference how prim and proper a person may be, when somebody get dunked on right up close and personal black folks just instinctively lose their shit.  Just have no other options, its primal.  One day I would like to be as excited about anything as black people get watching people get dunked on.

Does Anyone Else Out There Like Sexy Redheads?

Sexy redheads are such a rare find but man oh man are the awesome when you do find one.  But like I said it can be obscenely difficult to find even one hot redhead but have no fear ye olde Boston Beatbox came to the rescue and put together the definitive photo gallery of sexy redheaded women.  You are all very welcome.

Jameis Winston Even Shakes Hands Better Than Everyone Else

So I know today everybody is going to be all wrapped up in that ridiculous National Title Game.  I’m happy to see the BCS go the fuck away and what a way to send it out.  Probably the best college football game since Texas-USC in the Rose Bowl.  Jameis played like a Heisman Trophy winner should and made all the big plays he had to down the stretch.  Just an exhilarating football game all the way around,  That’s not what we’re here for though, you’ll get enough of that talk elsewhere today.  What i want to talk about is Jameis Winston’s handshake with Jimbo Fisher’s son Tyler.  Did everyone else see that on ESPN’s 8 hour pregame show? If not take a second and check this out:

That thing is fucking straight up magical.  I havent been able to stop thinking about it since I saw it for the first time yesterday.  Every time I watch it I get more and more enchanted with the whole operation.  How in the hell am I supposed to go on knowing that I do not have a handshake anywhere near that dope with a single person on the planet?  It’s quite honestly begining to drive me a bit mad.  I mean I generally think I’m pretty gotdamn fly but now I’m just sitting here re-evaluating everything I though I knew about myself.  I don’t ever make New Year’s Resolutions and I dig that I’m a week late but you can write this down now: I will have a wicked complicated 37 step handshake with at least one human person by 2015.

PS –

Yup, I think I can safely say that Jameis Winston’s handshake with a 12 year old is officially the proud owner of a nice piece of real estate in my head.  Well played.

Double PS –

Don’t worry Johnny Manziel, didn’t forget about you. Looks like you’re enjoying the offseason thus far

still my favorite

I want to be Johnny Manziel for one day.  That’s all I’m asking for, 24 hours. One day in the life of Johnny Football.  Pure unadulterated madness…

Back Dimples! Best Things Ever!

Thumb rests, video games, hand grips, back dimples call them whatever you want but there is one thing I think that we can all agree on: they are awesome.  Just something about seeing a girls’ lower back and noticing two perfectly placed little indents.  It just triggers a primal part of the male brain that says “this female is quite literally built for fucking”.  Sex on top of sex on top of sex.  Hey I can’t always explain it.  Sometimes it really just is the little things in life:

Shady McCoy Thinks His Belt Is Better Than Mine

You think your belt is better than mine Shady? Are you challenging me to some sort of a duel? I have to believe thats what this is. Shady read my blog about my awesome Sgt Slaughter belt and decided to flaunt this one on national tv right in my eye. Cant let this stand, no sir not me. Not now. Not nevah. So what shall it be Shady? I feel the traditional pistols at dawn may be a tad over the top so lets settle this like real men: rock, paper, scissors best 3 out of 5. You put your belt up Ill put my belt up. It’ll be like a title unification bout. Lets make it happen Shady, dont be scurred. Im right here ready for you, hungry.

Can We Talk About How To Walk Down The Sidewalk?

Can we take a second to talk about how we as a society have apparently forgotten how to properly traverse a sidewalk? I get that here at the top of the First World we aren’t Chinese sweatshop workers so we all actually own smartphones and want to play with them all of the time.  For the most part I’m cool with it (unless you’re driving, then knock it off. You’re piloting a ton-and-a-half metal cruise missile through crowded streets, seriously knock it off) but there have to be some rules or at the very least some common courtesies.  I’m talking specifically about how its managed to clog up and clusterfuck up sidewalks in urban areas across the US.  It’s fucking ridiculous if we’re being honest.  So as a public service announcement Ye Old Boston Beatbox has draw up a little advice for the peoples:

Here we have a person standing in the middle of the sidewalk dicking around on their iPhone. Shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the sidewalk like some sort of self-centered asshole.  Just begging for a dropkick. Don’t do this.

If you are a reasonable person you should be glancing up from your phone every so often and if you suddenly find yourself in the middle of the sidewalk you can simply slide-step in one direction or the other. Either towards the street, like is pictured above, or inside towards the buildings, pictured below.

Either one is very acceptable and is obviously dependent on any surrounding foot traffic.  But at least your doing something and not just standing there like a goddamn beaver damn in a river.

Then there are these people which sadly are the most prevelent in this little mixed up technologicaly pubecent world of ours:

Make absolutely no mistake about it, if that red line is the path you take at a meandering pace while going down a sidewalk you are just one degree short of a fucking war criminal.  I’m not even sure I’m joking.  There are very few things in this world that will send me flying off into a blind rage as quickly as some douche bag asshole hipster fucking around on their smartphone wandering all over the goddamn sidewalk slower than shit trying to roll uphill.  Getting in the way of people just trying to get their coffee in the morning.  Awful, awful people.  Honestly though if you do this you should probably work on correcting that like immediately because every time you do this you take your life into your own hands.

Lance Armstrong Says He Would Cheat Again Because Everyone Else Would Too

ESPN – Lance Armstrong acknowledges he hasn’t been the nicest guy in the world, but he says if he had to do it over again, he would still dope because everyone else in cycling was doping too.  “I knew what my competitors were doing. We [his U.S. Postal Service team] were doing less,” Armstrong said.   “We were more conservative, and that’s the reason we were never going to be caught.  This is a story because I was a bigger a–h—. Because I was more combative. … And I’ve heard from a lot of people who say, ‘You made all the money, you got all the fame, you deserve this.’ And I hear that, and I understand that people think that way. But it’s not consistent with what USADA has said.”

Armstrong said it proved too difficult for him to be cutthroat while racing and then back off when it came to accusations.

Jesus christ dude.  Lance Armstrong just does not know when to just shut the fuck up and fade to black does he?  He needs to stop trying to clear his name, everyone thinks knows he is indeed a lying, manipulative, sociopathic asshole.  Hell he knows that, he says it himself in the article.    He needs to just sit in his mansion in Texas and count his money.

All of that being said if he is going to talk to ESPN in what I assume is an attempt to stay relevant for some asinine reason this is the way I want him to be.  Just go full-on heel and embrace the hate like when Hulk Hogan became Hollywood Hogan and formed the NWO.  I feel like alot of people are going to give a lot of attention for the part where he says if he had to do it over again he would but that seems like a pretty obvious statement to me.  Would I go back in time and cheat my way through a $100million career if long after my prime I get caught and banned from my sport and everyone hates me but I get to keep all my money?  The fuck kind of question is that?  Anyone who says they WOULDN’T go back and cheat their way to a fortune they get to keep is a fucking idiot plain and simple.  The line I really like though is “We were more conservative, and that’s the reason we were never going to be caught.” That is such an arrogant statement, I LOVE IT.  I imagine him sitting back in his chair, cracking a big chesire-cat style evil smirk whilst staring longingly into space as he delivered that.  Its just too perfect.  Could be right out of the book ‘Prison Confessions of Drug Kingpins.  In fact without doing any research whatsoever I think that may actually be a line straight from the mouth of Boston George.  Just the epitomy of sociopathic delusion.  Years after he was caught and effectively flogged in the public square he is still convinced that his organizations misdoings were so perfectly well planned that he can never actually get caught.  Existing purely in his own reality.  If this is the new Lance Armstrong we’re going to be getting I, for one, am looking forward to it.

had to post this video