Category Archives: maybe im the crazy one

#BearSelfie Is A New Thing That Could Only Possibly End Well

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San Diego UT – Having a smart phone doesn’t necessarily make a person smart. In fact, the device seems to make some people just plain dumb. Case in point. Bear selfies. In fact, stopping to take a picture of oneself while a large, powerful mammal that could rip you to shreds in seconds lurks close behind, has become such a popular thing to do that the U.S. Forest Service officials in South Lake Tahoe are warning the shutterbugs to stop. Because it’s dangerous, people! “We’ve had mobs of people that are actually rushing toward the bears trying to get a ‘selfie’ photo,”  The Taylor Creek area of Lake Tahoe is a popular place for visitors and is also the site of the fall fish festival, a family event that includes fish painting, a treasure hunt, mascots Lulu the Lahontan Cutthroat Trout and Sandy and Rocky Salmon, the Bumble Bee ice cream truck and the ever popular giant inflatable fish. Visitors are even pulling their cars over along state Route 89 and venturing off the road and off trails to get the snapshots of the wild creatures. It has gotten so bad that officials are threatening to shut down the area. “It is presenting a safety issue,” Herron told the paper. “We are afraid someone is going to get attacked.” According to the Forest Service, there are 25,000 to 30,000 black bears in California. A male bear can weigh as much as 500 pounds and run as fast as 35 mph.

 

This supposedly some new trend among attention whores on on the internet, to stop and turn your back on a bear in the wild so you can take (an admittedly fucking bad ass) selfie for Instagram. I say supposedly because this has the feeling of one of those things where in reality only a handful of people actually did it but Old Media gets confused by The Al GoreTube Network and next thing you know taking selfies with apex predators in the wild becomes a “trend”. But lets assume this really is a thing that is indeed a trend among people who have regular access to wild black bears, I think we can all agree that these people are lunatics. That bear might look docile and whatever just chillin eating some berries and grubs but if he decides he wants to eat you he can. I’m no bear expert but I would think if he wanted you as a snack or if he was just doing Darwin’s dirty work because you annoyed him I would imagine the perfect time would be when this dumbass, unarmed, pork chop lookin mothafucker with an iphone turns it’s back. And when someone inevitably gets mauled by a bear thats trying to get every last bit of easy protein before turning in for the winter can we all agree that it should not have to be hunted down and shot? Like I get that’s our normal response to animals that eat a human and normally I understand and support that thinking but this is different. I feel like anytime you stop and do something inconsiderate, dangerous or just not smart all in the name of taking a selfie, whatever happens to you is on you. The laws and conventions of society are suspended for however long you’re self-indulgence takes.

PS –

How about that Fall Fish Festival huh? Treasure Hunts, Lulu the Cutthroat Trout and the ever popular giant inflatable fish?! And they have fish painting! I have no idea what fish painting is or how it works but I assume it has something to do with both painting and a fish, maybe you paint pictures for the fish? Or of the fish? or maybe with the fish, like you use the fish as a brush to paint? So so so sooo many possibilities at the South Tahoe Fall Fish Fest.

Fixies with No Brakes

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I actually had the misfortune of over hearing one hipster telling another about how he used to own a fixie with no brakes. The other hipster then responded that that’s how all fixies should be. The line of logic I believe at play here is that being able to stop the vehicle a person is currently taddling atop while cruising around a metropolitan area that located mostly on the sides and peaks pf various hills is super confprmist and being a blood stain at the base of any of these hills is awesomely ironic. Fucking christ man, I hate to be the one that says it but these people need to go and just right properly fuck off. Why would you ever want a thing like brakes when you can just blow through four way intersections and buy a new pair of canverse every other week because the soles fell out. Which is super hip, you guys.

The thing of it is I wasn’t even in South Park or Golden Hill when this happened. That kind of thing I understand, my tolerance for hipster bullshit goes way up whenever Im forced into those nieghborhoods. It would be like going to Hillcrest and complaining about dudes holding hands in front of Rich’s or being upset at the sight of homeless people at the end of the OB Pier. But this, no this was dt in Litaly. In front of the Ballast Point Tasting Room.  Tell you what though I honestly hope this bag of mush gets his wish and all fixie bicycles have their brakes removed. Nothing says non-conformist like SDPD scaping a tangled mess of skinny jeans, mustache wax, a fixed gear bike and a banjo off of the back of an MTS bus parked at the bottom of B Street Hill.

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pictured: B St Hill

These Kids Might Get Expelled From High School But They Crushed It At The School of Life

OC Register – The principal of Corona del Mar High School has recommended expulsion for the students who officials believe hacked into the school’s computers to change grades and access tests, according to Newport-Mesa Unified officials.  District spokeswoman Laura Boss initially said that school administrators began hearing rumors of Lai’s involvement in student cheating earlier this school year and shared that with their school resource officer. Later she clarified that school administrators became aware of a cheating incident last school year, which a tutor was rumored to be a part of. Police investigated the rumors but “there was not enough evidence to pursue the tutor involvement rumor,” Boss said.  Scott and other administrators declined to say how they made the connection that Lai and the students may have worked together using the device. District spokeswoman Laura Boss would not say whether the discovery of the hacking device broke the case.  Scott said the incident could change attitudes toward cheating. Previously, she said, students were aware that cheating went on and either accepted it or participated in it without reporting it to authorities.

Look these kids might get expelled from high school but they get an A+ in real life problem solving.  Hacking into the schools network to change grades and get early access to tests is impressive as shit, let alone for a bunch of high school kids.  At that age I was way to preoccupied with figuring out who we could get to buy us beers and seeing if there was some way to get my dick touched.  But these kids decided none of this stuff the teachers were yammering on about would be useful to them and it would just be way easier to Swordfish everyone and just change the grades themselves rather than actually learning what they were being taught.  Which is probably going to get them kicked out of school, but so what?  I have strong reason to believe these kids are going to be just fine.  They obviously have some computer skills and an abundance of intelligence.  They’re more qualified for most jobs than I am.  The fact that they managed to get away with it for that long in a high school environment is pretty damn good though it seems suspicious that  the school administrators wont release how they put this whole thing together.  Generally speaking that only means one thing: a rat.  Somebody had to have squealed on these kids and it really is a crying shame because with that kind of a “fake it til you make it” attitude they seem destined to be going places.

When Did Socks Get So Expensive?

Being the daper 21st Century man about town that I am I decided this was as good of a time as any to freshen up the old wardrobe.  As such I was at Target trying to buy some new socks because, you know all class all day.  But these sly mothafuckers wanted $15 for 3 (THREE!) pairs.  The fuck is that?  Whatta they think I am some kind of Rockafeller? When did this happen?  Admittedly I do have a pretty mean sock game but these are just regular good old fashioned every day socks.  There is literally nothing special about them at all, they’re just socks.  I mean luckily enough I live in a climate that affords me the opportunity to wear flip-flops most of the year because apparently thats my new game plan for 2014.  Really puts all those years of getting socks and underwear from Grandma for Christmas in some perspective.

Wu-Tang Wednesdays

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So I’ve decided that since we’re into the New Year (is that supposed to be capitalized) now is a good time to introduce some new things I want to do here around OneLastLine. One of the first things I would like to get done is to make it official and institute Wu-Tang Wednesdays. Around lunch (on the West Coast) every Wednesday I’m going to post at least one video or song from the Wu-Tang Clan or one of its many members’ solo shit. My train of logic is that lunch time on Wednesday is damn near exactly halfway through the workweek and we could all use a little pick me up to try and close out the second half of the week. Now bring da Mothafuckin Ruckus!

this video is dope

Rick Ross Is Suing LMFAO For Intellectual Copyright Infringement

HuffPo – Ross is suing the electronic-rap duo, claiming they lifted the line “Everyday I’m shufflin'” for their 2010 hit, “Party Rock Anthem.” Ross used the lyric first — except his was “Everyday I’m hustlin'” — in the 2006 song “Hustlin,'” which appeared on the rapper’s debut album, “Port of Miami.”  The Hollywood Reporter obtained a copy of the lawsuit, which claims, “The use of ‘Hustlin’ in ‘Party Rock Anthem’ is readily apparent, despite the slight change from ‘Everyday I’m hustlin” … to ‘Everyday I’m shufflin” … and constitutes, inter alia, the creation of an unauthorized derivative work.”  Ross is accusing LMFAO, which includes Stefan Kendal Gordy (Redfoo) and Skyler Austen Gordy (Sky Blu), of “perform[ing] in a manner to sound like” his own track. The rapper is seeking an injunction and maximum statutory damages, according to THR.

 

Since I always want to be fair and equal here are the two songs in question:

LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem

This is an actual recording of a real live tire fire fueled by bags of dog shit (yet secretly its kind of awesome)

Rick Ross – Everyday I’m Hustlin’

The Fat Man actually did a pretty solid job on this track.  The best one off of his debut Port of Miami? Maybe I don’t know I haven’t listened to it in a while and I’m not going to do that right now for the purposes of this blog but I do remember this CD (feeling a little old right about now) being pretty hot in the streets back in ’06

 

 

This time we all lose Johnny.  I mean ferchissake, has anyone ever composed a more ridiculous sentence than “Rick Ross is suing LMFAO for violating Intellectual Copyright”?  Nobody could have right? Like this shit is just straight up and down fake life as all hell.  Can you imagine the plate of awfulness that the judge or whoever it is that has to hear this lawsuit and then file a proper ruling has to eat everyday he goes to work.  Fucking-A man, fuck-ing-A.  Shit and we think our jobs suck.  That guy’s job sucks a giant bag of dicks (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Anyways how about Rick Ross’ timing with this lawsuit huh?  The song in question, “Party Rock Anthem” was #1 on the Billboard 100 in 2010 and was used during the Super Bowl Halftime show in 2012.  So filling a lawsuit for “stealing” the phrase “Everyday I’m hustlin'” in 2014 is the obvious move.  Fucking nobody would see that coming!  Perfect time to get the drop on LMFAO.  A legalese tactical genius, this Rick Ross is I tells ya. Not a chance Redfoo and Sky Blu had their shit together for a lawsuit.  So ya, I guess you could say its safe to assume that Rick Ross is doing quite well these these days, financially speaking. Good job, good effort.

Steven Seagal Wants to Run For Gov of Arizona

pictured above: the next Governor of Arizona

Daily Beast – With Arnold Schwarzenegger out of office, there’s obviously an opening for an action star-turned politician in elected office. Enter Steven Seagal. The actor said earlier this week that he is considering running for governor of Arizona, following his collaboration with Sheriff Joe Arpaio for a reality television show. The show, filmed in Arizona in 2011, will start airing this month on the Reelz Network. Seagal said he wants to enhance border security, an issue he believes in even more strongly after his friendship with Arapio. “When somebody asks if Joe Arpaio’s a racist, I’m not going to say I don’t think so,” Seagal said. “I’m going to say I know he’s not a racist. He doesn’t care what nationality you are. He cares if you’re a criminal.

So this is a thing, a thing that is real in this actual world.  Steven Seagal is considering a run for Governor of Arizona because back in 2011 he was on a reality TV show playing policeman in Mariacopa County, Arizona with the worst law enforcement official in ‘Murica! Sheriff Joe Arpaio and somehow really liked it.  If you’ve ever been to Arizona you know that this is truely the first sign of lunacy.  Apparently Seagal’s entire campaign platform is going to be something along the lines of “hey Mex-ee-cans, the fuck yew think yer doin here? Get back over the fence!” because that’s Sheriff Joe’s bag.  And you can relax guys because its definitely not that Sheriff Joe is just some power mad racist old white man because Sheriff Joe is totally NOT a racist.  Gov Seagal doesn’t just think Arpaio’s not a racist, he knows Sheriff Joe isn’t a racist.  Shit I bet he even tips his gardeners around the holidays.

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If this actually comes to fruition and we get to Marked For Death running the cowboy state of Arizona then I say we here in the Golden State need to hop to it and get the Governator back in Sacramento.  We simply can not allow Arizona to have an action star Governor right in our eyes like that? They’re going to have a more famouse action star Governor than the home of Hollywood? Bullfuckingshit! We need vote Ahnold back into the Governor’s Mansion (we have one of those right? I mean I know Arnold has his own but does one come with the job? Probably) and have ourselves a good old fashioned no holds barred Governor vs Governor Hell-In-A-Cell.  I would watch the ever living shit out of that fight.

Double PS –
Governator Schwartenager wins this thing in a bloodbath. He single handedly exploded a Predator that one time. Oh and he’s a T-800, duh