an absolutely marvelous job by the Pittsburgh Pengiuns crowd last night singing ‘Oh Canada’, chills up my spine and tears in my eyes
By now I assume most people in the world with an internet connection know what has transpired in Canada the last few days. Two Canadian service-members murdered on their Native Soil while a third recovers in the hospital. If it wasnt for the incredibly decisive and brave actions of Canadian Parliament Sergeant-at-Arms Kevin Vickers, who shot the terrorist dead in the halls of Parliament, this could have been a massacre on a truly horrifying scale. Mr. Vickers is being lauded as a Canadian hero today and rightfully so. With the full parliament in session and the PM in the building, today could have had a much different narrative were it not for the heroics of Mr. Vickers.
As I write this it seems that both of these attacks were carried out by natural born Canadian jihadist (possibly self-radicalized). The driver of the car (I steadfastly refuse to mention the names of these assholes) that ran down the two soldiers in Quebec on Tuesday had converted to Islam, had his Canadian passport revoked for attempting to travel to Turkey, his social media footprint features a heavy-handed dose of Islamic State propoganda and he was on a Terror Watch List. It is becoming more and more clear now that Wednesday’s shooter was at the very least influenced by ISIS, as he had also had his Canadian passport revoked to prevent him from traveling abroad and had been placed on a Watch List.
Who the fuck attacks Canada? They’re like our little brother to the North. They never bothered anybody. These motherfucking Jihadis are really starting to piss me right the fuck off. I get it when you come after Good Old ‘Murica, we’re the imperialists. Some pretty horrific things have been done around the globe in the name of Uncle Sam. So while I do not appreciate nor do I encourage all this Islamist hate towards us, fundamentally I get it. Same goes for the Brits who are the OG Imperialists on the block and are pretty much always down to get into a brawl with someone on our behalf. In that sense the UK is like a friend’s older brother who doesnt really want to join in but just cant stand the thought of sitting on the sidelines. Australia has recently made a handful of terrorist arrests and even that makes some sense, Australia is basically America’s awesome drinking buddy that you call at midnight yelling about how we have to go fuck some dude up and Australia just asks that we pick them up on the way. But Canada? The fuck has Canada ever done to anyone other that kick their ass in hockey? Canada has been our reluctant sidekick through all this. They dont necessarily want to join us but their options are somewhat geographically limited. I love Canada for who and what they: super polite friendly people, breathtaking landscapes of The Great White North, socialized medicine, motherfucking poutine, the home of the finest French whores on this side of the Atlantic, and hockey.
I watched last year as my hometown Boston was disrupted by cowardly attacks at The Marathon finish line on Patriots’ Day and as the nation of Canada begins the process of healing itself while coming to terms with their collective loss of innocence in the age of global terrorism we here at One Last Line stand in solidarity with our neighbors to the North. #CanadaStrong
Please take a moment to say a quick word for the fallen:
Dat ass! Good jumpin Jesus this girl, this girl right here is Rocio Miranda and she just redefines what an amazing latina ass should look like. Just perfect. The crazy part is that she finished 2nd in Miss Reef 2011 (I swear to you I will track down who beat her out, that I have GOT to see) and lists modeling as her hobby. Yup, this is just what she does ont he side for shits and giggles. Her full time profession is as a Voleibolista, which since I dont speak spanish can only assume is some combination of serving coffee while having a volleyball shaped butt. She’s probably really really good at that job.
I would like to take a moment to proudly introduce Bar Paly a Russian/Israeli model and owner of possibly the longest torso I have ever seen. For reasons I simply can not even begin to comprehend there simply arent that many pictures of this girl out there. She was in an episode of How I Met Your Mother for one episode back in 2010, was in Pain and Gain in 2013 and is featured in a 2014 movie with Liam Neeson titled Non-Stop. Since there are so few pics out there of her and she isnt nearly as famous as she should be/is about to become I’m just going to go ahead and say I was buying stock in Bar Paly back in the early days
I know the weather has been something of a miserable cunt for most of ‘Murica! over the last couple of weeks and I feel for my peoples in cold ass places. I do, I really do. Especially considering that its already this bad this early. Everyone is just staring down the barrel of what could be a very, very long winter in the Northern states. But never fear, you are not forgotten. We here aboard the OneLastLine want to help out in any way we possibly can (without leaving this amazingly warm little corner of the country), With that in mind I present to you some videos that should heat you up and hopefully send your brain to its happy tropical place. Just keep telling yourself that summer will be here eventually, watch these videos on loop and you all should make it through these long cold dark days.
Romina Gachoy is a spanish language actress and model from Uruguay. I think. She truly does not exist in the english language for some reason. Which is really way too fucking bad because most gringos are really missing out on something special. This chica flat out dominates the instagram game. I wish I could tell you guys a little bit more about her but like I mentioned earlier, no es en ingles y yo no hablo mas espanol and I am far too lazy to use a translator. As an apology for not doing more legwork on her actual background here is an extended gallery. As always, enjoy:
I will be the first to readily admit that there are millions of amazing things about living in San Diego but there are a few select things in America’s Finest City that just send me through the fucking roof. One of those things is the pedicab drivers downtown, mostly in the Gaslamp. I fucking hate them, like the type of hate I can feel resonating deep down in my bowns. They’re just so damn ignorant and entitled it drives me fucking nuts, They’re just slow and always in the way, randomly cutting across lanes of traffic hoping their flimsy little sheetmetal rickshaw will protect them from the cars. Then they congregate along the sidewalk taking up half a fucking block’s worth of on street parking in a metroplitan city center. It’s fucking lunacy! They smell like shit and may be some of the most inconsiderate asshgoles on the face of the planet and not a single one of them speaks fucking english. They’re all Turks and Russians hauling fat midwestern tourists around a city built on a series of hills all while blarring shitty music on a boombox from 2002. Fuck all that and especially fuck them. GTFO of my city!
I will say that the female pedicab drivers have phenomenal bodies and outstanding asses. Just A-MAZING asses. Now don’t get it twisted, I still hate them just them same, I just want to hate fuck some of them and then steal their work visas. Is that how that would work? Like is a work visa a physical thing I can steal? If it is would stealing it do what I would be intending it to do? I don’t know. Either way, its happening. I’m doing it.
I’d like to present to you the Hottest Minute Twenty-One Seconds of Your Day brought to you by Said Energizer. This guy’s videos are plain old fashioned awesome. Just some really amazing stuff. Anyway I’m going to shut up now and get out of the way, let this video speak for itself:
Christ almighty. I need a cold shower or something
This is 100% the kind of thing I’m talking about when I say that a chick is “dripping sex”. Remember this video.
Double PS –
As an added bonus because I love you guys I included a MAD NSFW VIDEO after the jump: