Category Archives: Cell Phones

#BearSelfie Is A New Thing That Could Only Possibly End Well

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San Diego UT – Having a smart phone doesn’t necessarily make a person smart. In fact, the device seems to make some people just plain dumb. Case in point. Bear selfies. In fact, stopping to take a picture of oneself while a large, powerful mammal that could rip you to shreds in seconds lurks close behind, has become such a popular thing to do that the U.S. Forest Service officials in South Lake Tahoe are warning the shutterbugs to stop. Because it’s dangerous, people! “We’ve had mobs of people that are actually rushing toward the bears trying to get a ‘selfie’ photo,”  The Taylor Creek area of Lake Tahoe is a popular place for visitors and is also the site of the fall fish festival, a family event that includes fish painting, a treasure hunt, mascots Lulu the Lahontan Cutthroat Trout and Sandy and Rocky Salmon, the Bumble Bee ice cream truck and the ever popular giant inflatable fish. Visitors are even pulling their cars over along state Route 89 and venturing off the road and off trails to get the snapshots of the wild creatures. It has gotten so bad that officials are threatening to shut down the area. “It is presenting a safety issue,” Herron told the paper. “We are afraid someone is going to get attacked.” According to the Forest Service, there are 25,000 to 30,000 black bears in California. A male bear can weigh as much as 500 pounds and run as fast as 35 mph.

 

This supposedly some new trend among attention whores on on the internet, to stop and turn your back on a bear in the wild so you can take (an admittedly fucking bad ass) selfie for Instagram. I say supposedly because this has the feeling of one of those things where in reality only a handful of people actually did it but Old Media gets confused by The Al GoreTube Network and next thing you know taking selfies with apex predators in the wild becomes a “trend”. But lets assume this really is a thing that is indeed a trend among people who have regular access to wild black bears, I think we can all agree that these people are lunatics. That bear might look docile and whatever just chillin eating some berries and grubs but if he decides he wants to eat you he can. I’m no bear expert but I would think if he wanted you as a snack or if he was just doing Darwin’s dirty work because you annoyed him I would imagine the perfect time would be when this dumbass, unarmed, pork chop lookin mothafucker with an iphone turns it’s back. And when someone inevitably gets mauled by a bear thats trying to get every last bit of easy protein before turning in for the winter can we all agree that it should not have to be hunted down and shot? Like I get that’s our normal response to animals that eat a human and normally I understand and support that thinking but this is different. I feel like anytime you stop and do something inconsiderate, dangerous or just not smart all in the name of taking a selfie, whatever happens to you is on you. The laws and conventions of society are suspended for however long you’re self-indulgence takes.

PS –

How about that Fall Fish Festival huh? Treasure Hunts, Lulu the Cutthroat Trout and the ever popular giant inflatable fish?! And they have fish painting! I have no idea what fish painting is or how it works but I assume it has something to do with both painting and a fish, maybe you paint pictures for the fish? Or of the fish? or maybe with the fish, like you use the fish as a brush to paint? So so so sooo many possibilities at the South Tahoe Fall Fish Fest.

Can We Talk About How To Walk Down The Sidewalk?

Can we take a second to talk about how we as a society have apparently forgotten how to properly traverse a sidewalk? I get that here at the top of the First World we aren’t Chinese sweatshop workers so we all actually own smartphones and want to play with them all of the time.  For the most part I’m cool with it (unless you’re driving, then knock it off. You’re piloting a ton-and-a-half metal cruise missile through crowded streets, seriously knock it off) but there have to be some rules or at the very least some common courtesies.  I’m talking specifically about how its managed to clog up and clusterfuck up sidewalks in urban areas across the US.  It’s fucking ridiculous if we’re being honest.  So as a public service announcement Ye Old Boston Beatbox has draw up a little advice for the peoples:

SidewalkHere we have a person standing in the middle of the sidewalk dicking around on their iPhone. Shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the sidewalk like some sort of self-centered asshole.  Just begging for a dropkick. Don’t do this.

Sidewalk_StreetSideIf you are a reasonable person you should be glancing up from your phone every so often and if you suddenly find yourself in the middle of the sidewalk you can simply slide-step in one direction or the other. Either towards the street, like is pictured above, or inside towards the buildings, pictured below.

Sidewalk_InsideEither one is very acceptable and is obviously dependent on any surrounding foot traffic.  But at least your doing something and not just standing there like a goddamn beaver damn in a river.

Then there are these people which sadly are the most prevelent in this little mixed up technologicaly pubecent world of ours:

Sidewalk_WrongMake absolutely no mistake about it, if that red line is the path you take at a meandering pace while going down a sidewalk you are just one degree short of a fucking war criminal.  I’m not even sure I’m joking.  There are very few things in this world that will send me flying off into a blind rage as quickly as some douche bag asshole hipster fucking around on their smartphone wandering all over the goddamn sidewalk slower than shit trying to roll uphill.  Getting in the way of people just trying to get their coffee in the morning.  Awful, awful people.  Honestly though if you do this you should probably work on correcting that like immediately because every time you do this you take your life into your own hands.