Category Archives: San Diego

The San Diego Padres Are Officially The Best At Being The Worst

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After getting swept by the Dodgers and shutout in all three games the San Diego Padres are the first team in the 100+ year history of Major League Baseball to be shut out in 3 straight games to open a season. The previous record was 26 consecutive scoreless innings by the St. Louis Cardinals to open the 1943 campaign (those Cardinals incidently went on to win 105 games, but thats irrelevant in our case). This comes fresh on the heals of their 15-0 Opening Day fiasco, which is now the most lopsided shutout in MLB Opening Day history. The previous record holder you ask? The Pittsburgh Pirates trounced the Cincinnati Reds 14-0 pm Opening Day…in 1911. 105 fucking years ago. This is just poor baseball.

This weekend the Padres head to Denver for the Rockies home opener. If they can not sonehow, someway scratch a few runs across in Coors Field this weekend I nominate the Padres for relegation. Send the entire organization to El Paso and call up the Chihuahuas to San Diego. Make the Padres earn their way back to Major Leagues because they definitely dont deserve to be there. I’ve joked for years that the Padres are a Quadruple A baseball team but this is worse than Quadruple A. Im not even sure this is Triple A level baseball.

I didnt expect the Padres to be any good in 2016, but this? This is flat out unacceptable. Silver lining is that there should be plenty of good seats available this year.

Street Urchins Calling Themselves “Urban Travelers” Is Utterly Ridiculous

LA Times – To him, it’s another day on the streets. Some call him an “urban traveler,” “a crust punk” or worse. He and others like him — mostly young, homeless people who often travel in groups — roam beach cities begging for money, sleeping under the stars and trying to survive. They’re vexing to tourist-dependent spots from San Francisco to San Diego, where officials complain their gritty edge and sometimes violent tendencies intimidate locals and turn visitors off. “They can be very aggressive and very disruptive,” said San Diego City Councilman Ed Harris, who represents Ocean Beach, where homeless youth congregate on the sea wall, sleep on the beach and light illegal campfires. They’re not drawn exclusively to the West Coast but to other cities perceived as “cool,” such as Minneapolis-St. Paul; Denver; Portland, Ore.; and Seattle.

“Urban Travelers”! Ha! Yo, fuck these street urchins directly in their stupid road-grimy homeless faces. They’re a fucking scourge on society. I live in Ocean Beach and I understand why a person would choose to come here but guess what? Nobody wants to have to wake up and have a job and go make fucking money but we do because that’s how society works.  If you have zero interest in really contributing to society that’s fine, just go do it in the woods in Montana or Alaska or somewhere like that. Don’t be doing it in a place full of people who actually work to live there and then have the goddamn audacity to get all huffy when I tell you to stop sleeping in my fucking driveway. I can tell you first hand that there is always, 100% of the time a fairly sizable group of all variety of miscreants, hobos, urchins and junkies congregating and aggressively begging for money, playing shitty music on their  guitars and attempting to sell nickle bags of shitty, shitty weed along the sea wall. Get the fuck outta my face with this shit.  Seriously these “people” aren’t much higher than the common street rats they sleep next to every night.

PS –

The only time i do feel bad is when the vagrant has a dog but even then I only feel bad for the dog. The pup didnt choose to have a scumbag as an owner.

Fixies with No Brakes

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I actually had the misfortune of over hearing one hipster telling another about how he used to own a fixie with no brakes. The other hipster then responded that that’s how all fixies should be. The line of logic I believe at play here is that being able to stop the vehicle a person is currently taddling atop while cruising around a metropolitan area that located mostly on the sides and peaks pf various hills is super confprmist and being a blood stain at the base of any of these hills is awesomely ironic. Fucking christ man, I hate to be the one that says it but these people need to go and just right properly fuck off. Why would you ever want a thing like brakes when you can just blow through four way intersections and buy a new pair of canverse every other week because the soles fell out. Which is super hip, you guys.

The thing of it is I wasn’t even in South Park or Golden Hill when this happened. That kind of thing I understand, my tolerance for hipster bullshit goes way up whenever Im forced into those nieghborhoods. It would be like going to Hillcrest and complaining about dudes holding hands in front of Rich’s or being upset at the sight of homeless people at the end of the OB Pier. But this, no this was dt in Litaly. In front of the Ballast Point Tasting Room.  Tell you what though I honestly hope this bag of mush gets his wish and all fixie bicycles have their brakes removed. Nothing says non-conformist like SDPD scaping a tangled mess of skinny jeans, mustache wax, a fixed gear bike and a banjo off of the back of an MTS bus parked at the bottom of B Street Hill.

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pictured: B St Hill

NFL Division Round Picks

Went 1-1-2 ATS Wildcard Weekend after getting lucky and locking in the Chiefs +1 early on in the week.  I went 2-2 if you take the point spread out of things, so the absolute definition of mediocrity.  Could have been worse though so we’re going to put that all behind us, its the Divisional Round and we have a whole new slate of games.  The power players are all in action this week and we have four regular season rematches with one of them being the third act in an AFC West drama.  Lets get on with the picks for the Divisional Round of the 2013 National Football League Playoffs:

New Orleans @ Seattle (-7.5)

You know this isn’t what New Orleans wanted to see.  Fresh off of the franchise’s first ever road playoff win against an over-matched Eagles team they now get to travel up to the Pac Northwest and their own personal House of Horrors.  The last time we saw the Saints travel to The Emerald City the Seahawks took Drew Brees & Co out behind the woodshed and gave them some Deliverence style hospitality on MNF for all the world to see.  New Orleans last playoff trip to Seattle wasnt any better, that was the game where the defending Super Bowl Champs were introduced to a freshly de-Buffalo’ed Marshawn Lynch who went fucking BEASTMODE on the entire Saints defense, emasculating them all individually in the process.

The Picks:

ATS: Seahwaks – 7.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

Indy (+7) @ New England

After a ridiculous and frantic comeback in the second half at home last week for his first career playoff victory Andrew Luck will now lead his Colts into Foxboro to attempt to get his first road playoff win.  The Colts come in about as hot as they possibly can and are the trendy pick for a surprise Super Bowl run.  Unfortunately for the Colts the only reason they had to complete the second greatest comeback in NFL post season hearing and all of the heroics from Shrek Luck was because in the biggest game of his career to date he played about as poorly as possible for the first 30 min.  That shit will not fly this weekend.  That’s not Fat Andy Reid and a Chiefs franchise that has the stink of failure hanging over them across the field on Saturday evening.  While this Patriots defense has had crippling injury after crippling injury this year I simply can not envision Luck overcoming all of those mistakes a second time especially since this incarnation of the Patriot offense can take the ball and grind 6min of game time off of the clock if need be.

The picks:

ATS: Colts +7

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

San Francisco @ Carolina (+1.5)

.The 49ers come into this game fresh off of one of the colder games in recent memory in a dirt parking lot in Green Bay that provided the perfect ending to a truly Wildcard Weekend facing Cam Newton in his post-season debut.  After road teams went 3-1 in the Wildcard Weekend SF is appartently the sexy pick as this weekends road victors.  I don’t see it.  The Panthers have been one of the best teams in football the last several m,onthysa and thats not because of Cam but rather because of their defense.  In what should be a hard hitting and low scoring affair the Panthers should improve to 2-0 vs SF this season as the defense should carry them ton victory.

The Picks:

ATS: Panthers + 1.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

San Diego (+9.5) @ Denver

The Chargers have a little bit of momentum, go into Mile High as the only team in football to beat Peyton in Denver this season and they have every reason in the world to believe in themselves.  For that exact same reason I’m picking against the Chargers straight up this week. This is what I said in my picks column from last week about the San Diego Super Chargers, “they sabotage themselves in games they’re supposed to win and somehow pull out Ws when absolutely nobody expects it” and I was right.  Now I’m going to ride that philosophy this week.  When you factor in the point spread I like the Chargers because the simply do not get blown out.

The Picks:

ATS: Chargers +9.5

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

Does This Look Like The Face Of A San Diego Man Caught Wearing A Kardashian Hoodie In Las Vegas

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San Diego U-T – San Diegan Greg Ryan is living proof that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.  Over Christmas, the Patio Restaurant bar manager was spotted in Bellagio Casino’s arcade by reality show star Khloe Kardashian. He was wearing one of her track suits.

Gotta love how Khloe made sure to throw in that now they can “say they are unisex” just to make sure everyone knows that this is, indeed an article of female clothing.  Kick a man while he’s down why don’t ya? For fuck’s sake.  Thats a really tough break my man and I feel for you.  Could have easily been anyone of us and before you start crowing how that could never be you because you’re such an Eddie Tough Guy and would never wear female clothing you probably need to pump the brakes and think about how this guy ended up in these circumstances.  One second this poor shmo is lounging in his Vegas hotel room with his chick and she sends him down to the lobby to grab coffee or some other errand.  He figures why not, it’ll keep her happy and I can grab a drink or six while I’m down there.Figuring he wont be gone long and is still kind of hungover he heads out of the room and just grabs one of the sweatshirts on the chair by the door.  He doesn’t realize it’s hers until he gets into the elevator and just shrugs it off assuming that it’s the middle of the morning or day or whatever in Las Vegas and he’ll just anonymously blend into the sea of madness and lights that is Sin City.  Just minding his own business trying to just enjoy his cocktail and forget that for Christmas somebody got you a Kardashian brand hoodie, next second one of those bridge trolls is putting you on blast all over Instagram.

Don’t Worry ‘Murica! Boston Beatbox Is Here To Help You Ride Out This Polar Vortex

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2014-01-07 03.23.41oh ya, thats why I moved

I know the weather has been something of a miserable cunt for most of ‘Murica! over the last couple of weeks and I feel for my peoples in cold ass places. I do, I really do.  Especially considering that its already this bad this early.  Everyone is just staring down the barrel of what could be a very, very long winter in the Northern states.  But never fear, you are not forgotten.  We here aboard the OneLastLine want to help out in any way we possibly can (without leaving this amazingly warm little corner of the country),  With that in mind I present to you some videos that should heat you up and hopefully send your brain to its happy tropical place. Just keep telling yourself that summer will be here eventually, watch these videos on loop and you all should make it through these long cold dark days.

People I Hate: Pedicab Drivers

I only sorta hate her

I will be the first to readily admit that there are millions of amazing things about living in San Diego but there are a few select things in America’s Finest City that just send me through the fucking roof.  One of those things is the pedicab drivers downtown, mostly in the Gaslamp.  I fucking hate them, like the type of hate I can feel resonating deep down in my bowns.  They’re just so damn ignorant and entitled it drives me fucking nuts,  They’re just slow and always in the way, randomly cutting across lanes of traffic hoping their flimsy little sheetmetal rickshaw will protect them from the cars.  Then they congregate along the sidewalk taking up half a fucking block’s worth of on street parking in a metroplitan city center.  It’s fucking lunacy!  They smell like shit and may be some of the most inconsiderate asshgoles on the face of the planet and not a single one of them speaks fucking english.  They’re all Turks and Russians hauling fat midwestern tourists around a city built on a series of hills all while blarring shitty music on a boombox from 2002.  Fuck all that and especially fuck them.  GTFO of my city!

PS –

I will say that the female pedicab drivers have phenomenal bodies and outstanding asses.  Just A-MAZING asses.  Now don’t get it twisted, I still hate them just them same, I just want to hate fuck some of them and then steal their work visas.  Is that how that would work? Like is a work visa a physical thing I can steal?  If it is would stealing it do what I would be intending it to do? I don’t know.  Either way, its happening.  I’m doing it.