Category Archives: Straight Cash Money

Lets Take A Look Back At The Time LA Sheriff’s Raided Justin Bieber’s House Looking For Eggs

editor’s note: this is a blog that I wrote way back when this happened (sometime in February I think?) but just never posted for some reason but I feel like the week of Halloween is a good time to post a story about a house getting egged.

LA Times – Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home.  Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer.  Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home.  Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer.  Whitmore said the egging incident was determined to be a felony because it caused several thousand dollars worth of damage. Nagelmann said the neighbor told deputies he had seen Bieber throwing the eggs. The offense in the initial police report is listed as misdemeanor vandalism, according to the Sheriff’s Department.  Authorities said it was unknown what prompted the egging.

So this is the big news of Tuesday morning in the Los Angeles Times.  Just splashed all over their website. Which I’m going to take as great news because it obviously means that all of the other problems in the greater-LA area have apparently been solved.  You can sleep with doors unlocked tonight Los Angeles! All crime has been solved.

That being said, as the pre-eminent smut blogger in the American Southwest I would not be fullfilling the office I was sworn into if I didnt mention this because to be quite honest this whole thing a bit perplexing.  First off how the hell do you even rack up several grand in property damage throwing eggs?  I mean I knew that pop royalty like The Biebs are goign to have access to the finer things in life but what was he throwing, Elephant Bird eggs?  Really nice to see that the Sheriffs didnt over react or anything with a dawn raid on Casa de Biebs in search of, eggs I guess?

 

The Nike KD VI Away II That Are Dropping Tomorrow Are The New Hottness In The Streets

It may not be a well known fact for everyone in the world but I am a sneaker junkie and as such I have to say these shoes are fucking fire! These little gems are the KD VI “Away II” colorway and they drop tomorrow (11JAN2014).  Not only is it a dope electric blue/grey/volt green color scheme but the grey portion of the shoe actually features a raised pattern providing some excellent texture and depth.  Priced for retail at $140 these are reasonably priced (in the world of basketball shoes) and I kind of feel like I need a pair of these.  Not want a pair, need a pair.

If you’re like me and want to see a few more pics from some different angles I put together I pretty solid gallery after the jump

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NFL Division Round Picks

Went 1-1-2 ATS Wildcard Weekend after getting lucky and locking in the Chiefs +1 early on in the week.  I went 2-2 if you take the point spread out of things, so the absolute definition of mediocrity.  Could have been worse though so we’re going to put that all behind us, its the Divisional Round and we have a whole new slate of games.  The power players are all in action this week and we have four regular season rematches with one of them being the third act in an AFC West drama.  Lets get on with the picks for the Divisional Round of the 2013 National Football League Playoffs:

New Orleans @ Seattle (-7.5)

You know this isn’t what New Orleans wanted to see.  Fresh off of the franchise’s first ever road playoff win against an over-matched Eagles team they now get to travel up to the Pac Northwest and their own personal House of Horrors.  The last time we saw the Saints travel to The Emerald City the Seahawks took Drew Brees & Co out behind the woodshed and gave them some Deliverence style hospitality on MNF for all the world to see.  New Orleans last playoff trip to Seattle wasnt any better, that was the game where the defending Super Bowl Champs were introduced to a freshly de-Buffalo’ed Marshawn Lynch who went fucking BEASTMODE on the entire Saints defense, emasculating them all individually in the process.

The Picks:

ATS: Seahwaks – 7.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

Indy (+7) @ New England

After a ridiculous and frantic comeback in the second half at home last week for his first career playoff victory Andrew Luck will now lead his Colts into Foxboro to attempt to get his first road playoff win.  The Colts come in about as hot as they possibly can and are the trendy pick for a surprise Super Bowl run.  Unfortunately for the Colts the only reason they had to complete the second greatest comeback in NFL post season hearing and all of the heroics from Shrek Luck was because in the biggest game of his career to date he played about as poorly as possible for the first 30 min.  That shit will not fly this weekend.  That’s not Fat Andy Reid and a Chiefs franchise that has the stink of failure hanging over them across the field on Saturday evening.  While this Patriots defense has had crippling injury after crippling injury this year I simply can not envision Luck overcoming all of those mistakes a second time especially since this incarnation of the Patriot offense can take the ball and grind 6min of game time off of the clock if need be.

The picks:

ATS: Colts +7

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

San Francisco @ Carolina (+1.5)

.The 49ers come into this game fresh off of one of the colder games in recent memory in a dirt parking lot in Green Bay that provided the perfect ending to a truly Wildcard Weekend facing Cam Newton in his post-season debut.  After road teams went 3-1 in the Wildcard Weekend SF is appartently the sexy pick as this weekends road victors.  I don’t see it.  The Panthers have been one of the best teams in football the last several m,onthysa and thats not because of Cam but rather because of their defense.  In what should be a hard hitting and low scoring affair the Panthers should improve to 2-0 vs SF this season as the defense should carry them ton victory.

The Picks:

ATS: Panthers + 1.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

San Diego (+9.5) @ Denver

The Chargers have a little bit of momentum, go into Mile High as the only team in football to beat Peyton in Denver this season and they have every reason in the world to believe in themselves.  For that exact same reason I’m picking against the Chargers straight up this week. This is what I said in my picks column from last week about the San Diego Super Chargers, “they sabotage themselves in games they’re supposed to win and somehow pull out Ws when absolutely nobody expects it” and I was right.  Now I’m going to ride that philosophy this week.  When you factor in the point spread I like the Chargers because the simply do not get blown out.

The Picks:

ATS: Chargers +9.5

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

Does This Look Like The Face Of A San Diego Man Caught Wearing A Kardashian Hoodie In Las Vegas

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San Diego U-T – San Diegan Greg Ryan is living proof that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.  Over Christmas, the Patio Restaurant bar manager was spotted in Bellagio Casino’s arcade by reality show star Khloe Kardashian. He was wearing one of her track suits.

Gotta love how Khloe made sure to throw in that now they can “say they are unisex” just to make sure everyone knows that this is, indeed an article of female clothing.  Kick a man while he’s down why don’t ya? For fuck’s sake.  Thats a really tough break my man and I feel for you.  Could have easily been anyone of us and before you start crowing how that could never be you because you’re such an Eddie Tough Guy and would never wear female clothing you probably need to pump the brakes and think about how this guy ended up in these circumstances.  One second this poor shmo is lounging in his Vegas hotel room with his chick and she sends him down to the lobby to grab coffee or some other errand.  He figures why not, it’ll keep her happy and I can grab a drink or six while I’m down there.Figuring he wont be gone long and is still kind of hungover he heads out of the room and just grabs one of the sweatshirts on the chair by the door.  He doesn’t realize it’s hers until he gets into the elevator and just shrugs it off assuming that it’s the middle of the morning or day or whatever in Las Vegas and he’ll just anonymously blend into the sea of madness and lights that is Sin City.  Just minding his own business trying to just enjoy his cocktail and forget that for Christmas somebody got you a Kardashian brand hoodie, next second one of those bridge trolls is putting you on blast all over Instagram.

Quite The Crowd At The Clippers Game Last Night

So Doc Rivers’ Clips held home court last night and marched past the Celtics on the back of Blake Griffin’s 29 points.  Thats to be expected, the Clippers even sans Chris Paul are a far superior team to the Boston Celtics.  The C’s did put up a fight as it appears almost every player on the roster is auditioning to be the next one traded to a contender.  Thats not what we’re here to discuss today.  No today I would like to talk about the awesome crowd behind one of the baskets last night.  This is their reaction to Blake Griffin getting up and (sort of) over  Kris Humphries:

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Now this man’s Mini Mouse swerve is obviously the the first thing that will catch your eye, and rightfully so.  That shit is on point.  But there are so many other hidden little gems in this one.  Lets break it down one by one:

MrScarfMr Scarf over here sitting on the left hand of Mr Mini is the perfect stereotype partner for Mini Mouse.  Just covering up his reaction with his scarf.  Strange play for sure.  I’m not too sure what would possess you to do that but then again I don’t know what possesses a man to wear a scarf in LA.  Seriously bro it was like 73 degrees yesterday.  Knock that shit off.

KiethRichardsSo Kieth Richard’s has apparently perfected the art of time travel and has used this gift to attend Clippers games.  And it is is blowing young Kieth Richard’s fucking mind.  Like something was finally awesome enough to cut through the cloud the permanently surrounds his brain.  Looks like even with a second shot at youth Kieth Richards is still making wonderful decisions.

HeadDownHead down, completely zoned out staring at the iPhone.  Probably watching a sick Blake Griffin dunk compilation video on YouTube or something.  Money well spent for those seats.

AsianClipsHonestly I have no explanation for this but for some reason this asian lady just cracks me right the fuck up.  That might make me a racist but I can’t help it that she makes me giggle every time I look at her.

Clips_Glasses'Glasses guy here seems really melancholy about the whole affair.  His lack of reaction is actually pretty fucking creepy.  Especially when juxtaposed to the guy behind him who has literally had Blake Griffin take his breath away.

BlackClipsThis black lady is killing the dunk reaction game.. You can see from her cuffs she clearly is fairly dressed and is sporting some type of blazer or another.  Doesn’t make a bit of difference how prim and proper a person may be, when somebody get dunked on right up close and personal black folks just instinctively lose their shit.  Just have no other options, its primal.  One day I would like to be as excited about anything as black people get watching people get dunked on.

When Did Socks Get So Expensive?

Being the daper 21st Century man about town that I am I decided this was as good of a time as any to freshen up the old wardrobe.  As such I was at Target trying to buy some new socks because, you know all class all day.  But these sly mothafuckers wanted $15 for 3 (THREE!) pairs.  The fuck is that?  Whatta they think I am some kind of Rockafeller? When did this happen?  Admittedly I do have a pretty mean sock game but these are just regular good old fashioned every day socks.  There is literally nothing special about them at all, they’re just socks.  I mean luckily enough I live in a climate that affords me the opportunity to wear flip-flops most of the year because apparently thats my new game plan for 2014.  Really puts all those years of getting socks and underwear from Grandma for Christmas in some perspective.

Rick Ross Is Suing LMFAO For Intellectual Copyright Infringement

HuffPo – Ross is suing the electronic-rap duo, claiming they lifted the line “Everyday I’m shufflin'” for their 2010 hit, “Party Rock Anthem.” Ross used the lyric first — except his was “Everyday I’m hustlin'” — in the 2006 song “Hustlin,'” which appeared on the rapper’s debut album, “Port of Miami.”  The Hollywood Reporter obtained a copy of the lawsuit, which claims, “The use of ‘Hustlin’ in ‘Party Rock Anthem’ is readily apparent, despite the slight change from ‘Everyday I’m hustlin” … to ‘Everyday I’m shufflin” … and constitutes, inter alia, the creation of an unauthorized derivative work.”  Ross is accusing LMFAO, which includes Stefan Kendal Gordy (Redfoo) and Skyler Austen Gordy (Sky Blu), of “perform[ing] in a manner to sound like” his own track. The rapper is seeking an injunction and maximum statutory damages, according to THR.

 

Since I always want to be fair and equal here are the two songs in question:

LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem

This is an actual recording of a real live tire fire fueled by bags of dog shit (yet secretly its kind of awesome)

Rick Ross – Everyday I’m Hustlin’

The Fat Man actually did a pretty solid job on this track.  The best one off of his debut Port of Miami? Maybe I don’t know I haven’t listened to it in a while and I’m not going to do that right now for the purposes of this blog but I do remember this CD (feeling a little old right about now) being pretty hot in the streets back in ’06

 

 

This time we all lose Johnny.  I mean ferchissake, has anyone ever composed a more ridiculous sentence than “Rick Ross is suing LMFAO for violating Intellectual Copyright”?  Nobody could have right? Like this shit is just straight up and down fake life as all hell.  Can you imagine the plate of awfulness that the judge or whoever it is that has to hear this lawsuit and then file a proper ruling has to eat everyday he goes to work.  Fucking-A man, fuck-ing-A.  Shit and we think our jobs suck.  That guy’s job sucks a giant bag of dicks (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Anyways how about Rick Ross’ timing with this lawsuit huh?  The song in question, “Party Rock Anthem” was #1 on the Billboard 100 in 2010 and was used during the Super Bowl Halftime show in 2012.  So filling a lawsuit for “stealing” the phrase “Everyday I’m hustlin'” in 2014 is the obvious move.  Fucking nobody would see that coming!  Perfect time to get the drop on LMFAO.  A legalese tactical genius, this Rick Ross is I tells ya. Not a chance Redfoo and Sky Blu had their shit together for a lawsuit.  So ya, I guess you could say its safe to assume that Rick Ross is doing quite well these these days, financially speaking. Good job, good effort.