Category Archives: Opulence

Lets Take A Look Back At The Time LA Sheriff’s Raided Justin Bieber’s House Looking For Eggs

editor’s note: this is a blog that I wrote way back when this happened (sometime in February I think?) but just never posted for some reason but I feel like the week of Halloween is a good time to post a story about a house getting egged.

LA Times – Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home.  Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer.  Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home.  Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer.  Whitmore said the egging incident was determined to be a felony because it caused several thousand dollars worth of damage. Nagelmann said the neighbor told deputies he had seen Bieber throwing the eggs. The offense in the initial police report is listed as misdemeanor vandalism, according to the Sheriff’s Department.  Authorities said it was unknown what prompted the egging.

So this is the big news of Tuesday morning in the Los Angeles Times.  Just splashed all over their website. Which I’m going to take as great news because it obviously means that all of the other problems in the greater-LA area have apparently been solved.  You can sleep with doors unlocked tonight Los Angeles! All crime has been solved.

That being said, as the pre-eminent smut blogger in the American Southwest I would not be fullfilling the office I was sworn into if I didnt mention this because to be quite honest this whole thing a bit perplexing.  First off how the hell do you even rack up several grand in property damage throwing eggs?  I mean I knew that pop royalty like The Biebs are goign to have access to the finer things in life but what was he throwing, Elephant Bird eggs?  Really nice to see that the Sheriffs didnt over react or anything with a dawn raid on Casa de Biebs in search of, eggs I guess?


Quite The Crowd At The Clippers Game Last Night

So Doc Rivers’ Clips held home court last night and marched past the Celtics on the back of Blake Griffin’s 29 points.  Thats to be expected, the Clippers even sans Chris Paul are a far superior team to the Boston Celtics.  The C’s did put up a fight as it appears almost every player on the roster is auditioning to be the next one traded to a contender.  Thats not what we’re here to discuss today.  No today I would like to talk about the awesome crowd behind one of the baskets last night.  This is their reaction to Blake Griffin getting up and (sort of) over  Kris Humphries:

2014-01-08 21.14.48

Now this man’s Mini Mouse swerve is obviously the the first thing that will catch your eye, and rightfully so.  That shit is on point.  But there are so many other hidden little gems in this one.  Lets break it down one by one:

MrScarfMr Scarf over here sitting on the left hand of Mr Mini is the perfect stereotype partner for Mini Mouse.  Just covering up his reaction with his scarf.  Strange play for sure.  I’m not too sure what would possess you to do that but then again I don’t know what possesses a man to wear a scarf in LA.  Seriously bro it was like 73 degrees yesterday.  Knock that shit off.

KiethRichardsSo Kieth Richard’s has apparently perfected the art of time travel and has used this gift to attend Clippers games.  And it is is blowing young Kieth Richard’s fucking mind.  Like something was finally awesome enough to cut through the cloud the permanently surrounds his brain.  Looks like even with a second shot at youth Kieth Richards is still making wonderful decisions.

HeadDownHead down, completely zoned out staring at the iPhone.  Probably watching a sick Blake Griffin dunk compilation video on YouTube or something.  Money well spent for those seats.

AsianClipsHonestly I have no explanation for this but for some reason this asian lady just cracks me right the fuck up.  That might make me a racist but I can’t help it that she makes me giggle every time I look at her.

Clips_Glasses'Glasses guy here seems really melancholy about the whole affair.  His lack of reaction is actually pretty fucking creepy.  Especially when juxtaposed to the guy behind him who has literally had Blake Griffin take his breath away.

BlackClipsThis black lady is killing the dunk reaction game.. You can see from her cuffs she clearly is fairly dressed and is sporting some type of blazer or another.  Doesn’t make a bit of difference how prim and proper a person may be, when somebody get dunked on right up close and personal black folks just instinctively lose their shit.  Just have no other options, its primal.  One day I would like to be as excited about anything as black people get watching people get dunked on.

Kanye West Just Will Not Get It

coinye today

HuffPo – Kanye West is not happy about “Coinye,” a new digital currency created by anonymous coders that bears his name and face.  West’s lawyers filed a cease-and-desist letter against Coinye’s creators on Monday, arguing that the cryptocurrency represents a trademark infringement, according to the Wall Street Journal.  “Given Mr. West’s wide-ranging entrepreneurial accomplishments, consumers are likely to mistakenly believe that Mr. West is the source of your services,” the document reads.

Either Kanye West simply does not get it or he is doing a sublime job of trolling us all.  I used to think he was just a musical genius acting out (it happens) then I though maybe he just really loved the attention so he started trolling us, now I think Kanye may have actually lost himself.  Like at this point HE doesn’t even know what the hell he’s doing anymore. He has basically become Randy Marsh coaching Sarcastaball when he can not stop being sarcastic:

Now he’s having his attorney send out cease and desist orders against some nerds proving once again that he just doesn’t get it.  Kanye might actually be the musical genius of a generation he claims to be but nobody can pay attention to the art he’s creating when he’s doing stupid shit like this, becoming a caricature of himself.  He’s so defensive of his own ego at this stage in the game that he can’t even realize this shit should be way beneath him.  Homie shouldn’t even be acknowledging this noise.  For real, would anyone know what the hell Coinye is without him blowing this whole thing out of proportion, filing this lawsuit and giving these guys all the PR they could ever dream of (as well as a blogging gold mine)? Probably not.  But now because he had to kick and scream about someone making fun of him we all get to sit around pointing and laughing at his expense once again.  C’mon man get your act together.  You are a magnificently talented artist.  You’re better than this.

Shady McCoy Thinks His Belt Is Better Than Mine


You think your belt is better than mine Shady? Are you challenging me to some sort of a duel? I have to believe thats what this is. Shady read my blog about my awesome Sgt Slaughter belt and decided to flaunt this one on national tv right in my eye. Cant let this stand, no sir not me. Not now. Not nevah. So what shall it be Shady? I feel the traditional pistols at dawn may be a tad over the top so lets settle this like real men: rock, paper, scissors best 3 out of 5. You put your belt up Ill put my belt up. It’ll be like a title unification bout. Lets make it happen Shady, dont be scurred. Im right here ready for you, hungry.

See-Through Pool Tables Are Real And They Are Spectacular

A stranger commercial or advertisement or investor pitch or whatever that was these Irish eyes have never seen but I’ll be Kim Kardashian’s OBGYN if that wasn’t crazy effective.  Weird ass soundtrack aside that video made that table look sexy as fuck.  I mean ten minutes ago I wasn’t even aware that pool billiards tables with a “patented transparent vitrik playing surface” and now I’m panicking wondering how I’ve managed to survive this long without one.  Honestly I’m not sure how much longer I can go on with this little life of mine carrying with me the knowledge that something this awesome exists and I do not posses it.   The imagination strolls through some dark places when I start thinking about all of the endless degenerate possibilities. Just oozes class and sophistication.  Need one and I need one three months ago.

Guess Who Bought A Sgt Slaughter Autographed Intercontinental Championship Belt for a Hockey Bet

Sgt Slaughter_15265Fucking ‘Mur-i-ca!

It was me. I did. Did you guess that? You probably should have seeing as how I have an eye for the finer things in life.  What says class and sophistication better than every thing else in the whole wide world? A Sgt Slaughter Autographed Intercontinental Championship Belt thats what. To be perfectly honest I didnt even know how badly I needed this until I found out it existed but once I saw it, oh buddy you better believe it was going to be mine.

SgtSlaughterBelt1Posted that Elf as the watch because its so fucking creepy nobody wants to get near it

Well partially mine anyway. See the thing of it is its not exactly in my posesion right now. A friend of mine from back in my days sailing the seven seas happens to be a Detroit Red Wings fan and subsequently an awful person and since NHL realignment happily landed the Red Wings and Bruins in the same division we made a long running bet with The Precious as the prize. The last time these two met up the Bruins got their shit pushed in 6-2 and I had to mail that magnificent piece of ‘Murican history to the post apocalyptic hellscape formerly known as Detroit until the next time these two storied franchises skate again in 2014. But believe me it will be mine again, oh yes it will be mine.  Until we meet again my precious…

The fact that my signature doesn’t include a self portrait makes me feel like less of a man

We’ve Got A Penguin XMas Parade Over Here!

So this is a thing…a thing that is very real and very awesome.  This is brought to us from wacky little South Korea, the least insane of the far eastern power players.  This is just adorable as shit.  This is going down at a theme park (whose theme is apparently to kick ass and take names) to kick off the Christmas celebration.  I’ll be perfectly honest and tell you that prior to writing this I had no idea asiental even fucked with Christmas let alone dressing up penguins in little Santa and elf suits.  But if you’re going to be the only East Asia nation to recognize Baby Jesus and the manger this is how you do it.  I really feel like Baby JC would have much preferred this over some frankenses or mir.  And in all honesty I would probably just trade the gold for a Penguin XMas Parade anyway.  Job well done South Korea, job well done.  The world has been put on notice, South Korea is Christmasing for keeps this year.  Step ya game up ‘Murica! we can’t be losing holidays to the Koreans.

PS –


Never had to tell a small asian child to fuck off until right this moment

Hey you little Korean kid in the Yankees hat, don’t think I don’t see the NY on the side of your hat? The fuck is that about? Who the hell wears the logo on the side of the hat? Although as a man with a mean PigTail/Poof-Ball Hat game I can respect the hustle.