Category Archives: East Coast

Sometimes it’s Best to Let The Chosen People Choose for Us

I was booking a car service for an airport pick up in NYC to take me to a wedding in NJ. I’m not made of internet dollars so I did some shopping around and whatnot and stumbled upon what seemed to be a pretty great deal. But not so fast my friends, I refuse to be lampooned by some huckster NYC car service firm. I start searching aroud the interwebs for reviews and find a pretty solid collection of good reviews on The Facebook. With my confidence starting to grow and the decisions slowly being made I decided that I should investigate the profile’s of some of the people that have been leaving 5 star reviews just to, you know, make sure they’re real, actual, alive and well humans. I clicked on the first review at random with the innocuous name and the first thing that popped up on her page was this :

this is her profile pic, you’ll see why this is important in a second

Ok so she’s definitely a real person, lets randomly check another one of our 5 star reviewers:



I’m starting to notice a trend developing

Alright then, most certainly another very real person offering up 5 start reviews, I’m starting to feel pretty good about using this service, but lets just check one more to be safe:


Boom! Shlomi Asraf making big time recommendations! No joke, after seeing these three reviews I booked the car and put my credit card down up front. When you’re shopping around for a customer service related bargain in the NYC area and you see not one, not two but three Jews giving rave reviews you stop the search right then and there because you have found the deal you’re looking for. Couldn’t even begin to tell you how confident I am that I just hired possibly the greatest budget car service in the Tri-State are. The Chosen People have spoken!

Don’t Worry ‘Murica! Boston Beatbox Is Here To Help You Ride Out This Polar Vortex


2014-01-07 03.23.41oh ya, thats why I moved

I know the weather has been something of a miserable cunt for most of ‘Murica! over the last couple of weeks and I feel for my peoples in cold ass places. I do, I really do.  Especially considering that its already this bad this early.  Everyone is just staring down the barrel of what could be a very, very long winter in the Northern states.  But never fear, you are not forgotten.  We here aboard the OneLastLine want to help out in any way we possibly can (without leaving this amazingly warm little corner of the country),  With that in mind I present to you some videos that should heat you up and hopefully send your brain to its happy tropical place. Just keep telling yourself that summer will be here eventually, watch these videos on loop and you all should make it through these long cold dark days.

Wu-Tang Wednesdays


So I’ve decided that since we’re into the New Year (is that supposed to be capitalized) now is a good time to introduce some new things I want to do here around OneLastLine. One of the first things I would like to get done is to make it official and institute Wu-Tang Wednesdays. Around lunch (on the West Coast) every Wednesday I’m going to post at least one video or song from the Wu-Tang Clan or one of its many members’ solo shit. My train of logic is that lunch time on Wednesday is damn near exactly halfway through the workweek and we could all use a little pick me up to try and close out the second half of the week. Now bring da Mothafuckin Ruckus!

this video is dope

Rick Ross Is Suing LMFAO For Intellectual Copyright Infringement

HuffPo – Ross is suing the electronic-rap duo, claiming they lifted the line “Everyday I’m shufflin'” for their 2010 hit, “Party Rock Anthem.” Ross used the lyric first — except his was “Everyday I’m hustlin'” — in the 2006 song “Hustlin,'” which appeared on the rapper’s debut album, “Port of Miami.”  The Hollywood Reporter obtained a copy of the lawsuit, which claims, “The use of ‘Hustlin’ in ‘Party Rock Anthem’ is readily apparent, despite the slight change from ‘Everyday I’m hustlin” … to ‘Everyday I’m shufflin” … and constitutes, inter alia, the creation of an unauthorized derivative work.”  Ross is accusing LMFAO, which includes Stefan Kendal Gordy (Redfoo) and Skyler Austen Gordy (Sky Blu), of “perform[ing] in a manner to sound like” his own track. The rapper is seeking an injunction and maximum statutory damages, according to THR.


Since I always want to be fair and equal here are the two songs in question:

LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem

This is an actual recording of a real live tire fire fueled by bags of dog shit (yet secretly its kind of awesome)

Rick Ross – Everyday I’m Hustlin’

The Fat Man actually did a pretty solid job on this track.  The best one off of his debut Port of Miami? Maybe I don’t know I haven’t listened to it in a while and I’m not going to do that right now for the purposes of this blog but I do remember this CD (feeling a little old right about now) being pretty hot in the streets back in ’06



This time we all lose Johnny.  I mean ferchissake, has anyone ever composed a more ridiculous sentence than “Rick Ross is suing LMFAO for violating Intellectual Copyright”?  Nobody could have right? Like this shit is just straight up and down fake life as all hell.  Can you imagine the plate of awfulness that the judge or whoever it is that has to hear this lawsuit and then file a proper ruling has to eat everyday he goes to work.  Fucking-A man, fuck-ing-A.  Shit and we think our jobs suck.  That guy’s job sucks a giant bag of dicks (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Anyways how about Rick Ross’ timing with this lawsuit huh?  The song in question, “Party Rock Anthem” was #1 on the Billboard 100 in 2010 and was used during the Super Bowl Halftime show in 2012.  So filling a lawsuit for “stealing” the phrase “Everyday I’m hustlin'” in 2014 is the obvious move.  Fucking nobody would see that coming!  Perfect time to get the drop on LMFAO.  A legalese tactical genius, this Rick Ross is I tells ya. Not a chance Redfoo and Sky Blu had their shit together for a lawsuit.  So ya, I guess you could say its safe to assume that Rick Ross is doing quite well these these days, financially speaking. Good job, good effort.

Can We Talk About How To Walk Down The Sidewalk?

Can we take a second to talk about how we as a society have apparently forgotten how to properly traverse a sidewalk? I get that here at the top of the First World we aren’t Chinese sweatshop workers so we all actually own smartphones and want to play with them all of the time.  For the most part I’m cool with it (unless you’re driving, then knock it off. You’re piloting a ton-and-a-half metal cruise missile through crowded streets, seriously knock it off) but there have to be some rules or at the very least some common courtesies.  I’m talking specifically about how its managed to clog up and clusterfuck up sidewalks in urban areas across the US.  It’s fucking ridiculous if we’re being honest.  So as a public service announcement Ye Old Boston Beatbox has draw up a little advice for the peoples:

SidewalkHere we have a person standing in the middle of the sidewalk dicking around on their iPhone. Shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the sidewalk like some sort of self-centered asshole.  Just begging for a dropkick. Don’t do this.

Sidewalk_StreetSideIf you are a reasonable person you should be glancing up from your phone every so often and if you suddenly find yourself in the middle of the sidewalk you can simply slide-step in one direction or the other. Either towards the street, like is pictured above, or inside towards the buildings, pictured below.

Sidewalk_InsideEither one is very acceptable and is obviously dependent on any surrounding foot traffic.  But at least your doing something and not just standing there like a goddamn beaver damn in a river.

Then there are these people which sadly are the most prevelent in this little mixed up technologicaly pubecent world of ours:

Sidewalk_WrongMake absolutely no mistake about it, if that red line is the path you take at a meandering pace while going down a sidewalk you are just one degree short of a fucking war criminal.  I’m not even sure I’m joking.  There are very few things in this world that will send me flying off into a blind rage as quickly as some douche bag asshole hipster fucking around on their smartphone wandering all over the goddamn sidewalk slower than shit trying to roll uphill.  Getting in the way of people just trying to get their coffee in the morning.  Awful, awful people.  Honestly though if you do this you should probably work on correcting that like immediately because every time you do this you take your life into your own hands.

Dunkin Donuts is Finally Coming To San Diego/The Top 5 Things I Want to Eat


it’s about goddamned time

San Diego Reader – Dunkin’ Donuts’ imminent arrival in San Diego is understandably big news; perhaps even more so now that the company has officially returned to California with the opening of a store in Barstow! San Diego’s glut of East Coast transplants’ collective mouths water at the thought of loops from the ancestral homeland.

It’s happening.  It’s finally really really happening.  I’m almost at a loss for words.  Ye Olde Boston Beatbox moved out to the Left Coast back in 2005 and right off noticed a very disturbing lack of the familiar Orange and Purple signs that dot the landscape of every major metropolitan area on the East Coast.  Slowly I came to realize that they just simply do not have Dunks out here.  I was told great tales of a DD in this town or that outlying suburb and I would go investigate, just to be sure.  Every single time I was sadly proven correct that there simply aren’t any.  Well folks I am proud to tell you that is all about to change.

Some time in early 2014 in the Embassy Suites in dowtown SD (Harbor Drive & Pacific Highway) Dunkin’ Donuts will open it’s first location in San Diego in more than a decade.  I could not be more excited.  If you don’t think that I’m going down there and dropping a mint the first couple times then you don’t know me very well at all. And it’s that thought led me to make the following list of the first 5 things I am going to order when Dunks opens sometime in the next month or two.  This list is definitive and perfect in every way:

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Apparently Jacoby Ellsbury Is Now A Flower….

fuckyouJacobyFuck You Jacoby

NY Daily News – Ellsbury was introduced at a Yankee Stadium press conference, his seven-year, $153 million deal representing the longest commitment the club currently has with any player. Ellsbury, 30, said the Yankees “showed a great interest” in him from the start of free agency, making him feel wanted by his long-time rival. “Early in the discussion, the Yankees made it really clear that they really wanted me, not just for now but in the future,” the former Red Sox outfielder said. “Obviously that was very important to me.” “There’s so many ways that he can beat you, whether it’s with his power or his speed or his glove,” Girardi said. “Jacoby, you are going to make my job a lot easier. You no longer are a thorn in my side; you are a flower in our clubhouse and I’m happy to have you.” After winning a pair of World Series titles with the Sox, he’s hoping to follow Johnny Damon’s path and earn a ring with the Yankees, too.

Joe Girardi calling Jacoby Ellsbury “a flower in our clubhouse” has to be one of the weirdest comparisons you could possibly make at the Press Conference introducing your new very expensive CF.  I think what Girardi was trying to allude to was that while Jacoby is very pretty to look at while he’s on the field you can absolutely never touch him because he will break and eventually wilt and die.  Also I think they are intending on spraying him with a hose.  Ya that sounds about right.

PS –

Hey Jacoby don’t think I missed that little gem at the end about trying “to follow Johnny Damon’s path and earn a ring with the Yankees, too” Fuck you dude, thanks for the pair of World Series but you are officially dead to me.