Category Archives: NCAA Football

Jameis Winston Even Shakes Hands Better Than Everyone Else

So I know today everybody is going to be all wrapped up in that ridiculous National Title Game.  I’m happy to see the BCS go the fuck away and what a way to send it out.  Probably the best college football game since Texas-USC in the Rose Bowl.  Jameis played like a Heisman Trophy winner should and made all the big plays he had to down the stretch.  Just an exhilarating football game all the way around,  That’s not what we’re here for though, you’ll get enough of that talk elsewhere today.  What i want to talk about is Jameis Winston’s handshake with Jimbo Fisher’s son Tyler.  Did everyone else see that on ESPN’s 8 hour pregame show? If not take a second and check this out:

That thing is fucking straight up magical.  I havent been able to stop thinking about it since I saw it for the first time yesterday.  Every time I watch it I get more and more enchanted with the whole operation.  How in the hell am I supposed to go on knowing that I do not have a handshake anywhere near that dope with a single person on the planet?  It’s quite honestly begining to drive me a bit mad.  I mean I generally think I’m pretty gotdamn fly but now I’m just sitting here re-evaluating everything I though I knew about myself.  I don’t ever make New Year’s Resolutions and I dig that I’m a week late but you can write this down now: I will have a wicked complicated 37 step handshake with at least one human person by 2015.

PS –

Yup, I think I can safely say that Jameis Winston’s handshake with a 12 year old is officially the proud owner of a nice piece of real estate in my head.  Well played.

Double PS –

Don’t worry Johnny Manziel, didn’t forget about you. Looks like you’re enjoying the offseason thus far

still my favorite

I want to be Johnny Manziel for one day.  That’s all I’m asking for, 24 hours. One day in the life of Johnny Football.  Pure unadulterated madness…

If You Were Carlos Hyde How Pissed Would You Be That Matt Millen Said You Were “Going To Be An Excellent Pro”?

play above for the audio from the game

Infinity.  I would be infinity pissed off.  There is literally no scale humans could ever come up with nor comprehend that would be able to measure my level of anger towards Matt Millen.  Getting an endorsement from Millen that you’re “going to be an excellent pro” is effectively the kiss of death on your NFL career before halftime of the Orange Bowl.  Remember Matt Millen is the man that spent seven years carefully crafting the 0-16 Detroit Lions, his Magnum Opus if you will.  This is the man that in consecutive years at the top end of th 1st round of the NFL Draft selected Joey Harrington (3rd Overall 2002), Charles Rogers (2nd Overall 2003), Roy Williams (WR, 7th Overall 2004), Mike WIlliams (WR USC, 10th Overall 2005), Ernie Sims (LB, 9th Overall 2006), Calvin Johnson (2nd Overall 2007) and Gosder Cherilus (OT, 17th Overall 2008).  Obviously Megatron #2 overall in ’07 was a homerun in the draft that saw JaMarcus Russel go 1st Overall but other than that, woof.  And there werent any late round gems in there either.  It’s too bad to because Hyde’s draft stock has been rising pretty meteorically towards the end of his senior campaign and had positioned himself to possibly be the first Tailback taken off the board this April.  That is until Matt Millen interfered.  Sorry Carlos.  I feel for you my man, thats a tough beat to dance to.

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Why? Why Matt Millen? Why would you do that to me?

Johnny Football Manziel’s Final College Game is Appointment Television

JohnnyFootballBroads

Welp folks this is it. 5pm PST in the Chick-fil-A Bowl the world of college football will bid farewell to Johnny Football. I am so excited for this game I can’t even describe it. Sorry Duke, you’ve had a great year and all but you are the lambs being led to slaughter.  Im hoping for the full on Johnny Manziel experience. Im talking hang 70 points throw for 400 yds and run for another 300 all while racking up 150yds in personal fouls for unsportsmanlike conduct.  For my money he cant go far enough, come out in a fur coast like Joe Willy Goddamn Namath, gold ropes on the field like he’s PrimeTime.  Fuck a Duke cheeleader in the middle of the 3rd quarter.  Nothing is going to be over the top enough for me. Please Johnny Football, for me, for the kids but most importantly for ‘Murica! put on The Ritz on this New Years Eve.

Goodnight sweet prince, the world of college football will miss you way more than you will miss it

Go Navy! Beat Army! Stop Bangin Goats!

“Join the Navy, they said. See the world and gain valuable life experiences they promised. Not one motherfucking time did anyone mention having to rape a goat on national TV in a wintry mix. Such bullshit!”

Seriously though that is a tough, tough look for that guy and really for the United States Navy as a whole. For a service with a questionable reputation of buggery at sea they should probably try to cut down on the bestiality on terra firma.  Havent they ever heard “its not gay underway, its only queer at the pier”? Fucking midshipmen cant get anything right.

PS –
Just for the record:

ARMY    07
NAVY    34

That makes a clean dozen in a row for The Midshipmen over The Cadets. Suck it Army.

Go Navy! Beat Army!

Can We All Please Leave Johnny Manziel Alone?

JohnnyFootball1There is a chance he regrets this.  Not because someone took a picture but because puting lit fireworks in your word hole while in a small enclosed environment is a horrifically stupid fucking idea for Heisman Trophy winners and homeless winos alike. Also, the scarf.

I get that its really hard to have sympathy for an Old Oil Money Rich college freshmen who won the Heisman Trophy and has had the world open all of the doors for him since January but, for one second can we all take a walk in this kid’s shoes? A year ago he was an obscure name on the A & M QB depth chart, getting arrested for having MULTIPLE fake IDs in his pocket. Now everyone expects a Heisman Trophy to change who he is. It won’t. I, for one, am thrilled that nobody was constantly documenting my exploits when I was 20.  That would have been a goddamn fiasco, and I was merely a broke Sailor not a stud QB.  I’m not implying we should feel any sympathy for young Mr Manziel but we all at least need to understand where the kid is coming from.

JohnnyFootballScoobyDoThis however, he should have ZERO regrets about. Good Jesus. Big Time College Football QuarterBacking. You’re doing it all the way right.

PS –

10,000% chance I dress up like Scooby Doo for Halloween

aggiej johnny-manziel-girls-photos-smalland yes I had to ask google how you spell ‘Scooby Doo’, not my proudest moment

Be Afarid AJ McCarron, Be Very Afraid

DockettWebb01FEB

“Ayo @_KatherineWebb we still for lunch. I’m suggestion a spot in calliope projects bring Lil AJ too! My boyz will keep him company”

 

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Poor, poor back-to-back national champion SEC QB 

Darnell Dockett’s twitter game is crushing it right now. Offering to sweep Katherine Webb off her feet and into the lower 9th Ward for some mid-day romancing. He was nice enough to invite AJ to tag along and even offered up a few of his homies to kick it with AJ while him and KatWebb do whatever (I’m sure strange shit) it is that Darnell Dockett does with women.  But the little twitter fight Dockett has managed to rope AJ McCarron into is priceless.  McCarron coming in playing the role of Captain Save-A-Ho defend her attention whoring honour. Hilarious.

Seriously though AJ you just QB’ed ALABAMA to back to back national titles. That virtually guarenteed the rights to any and all vagina in the state of Alabama. No way any chick is worth putting up with this kind of shit. Just giant millionare black men hollering at your girl all over the internet, making her famous and shit. I dont care what AJ says, the nagging suspicions that his gf is getting a train run on her during Super Bowl Week in the Big Easy have got to be creaping up.  Can’t repress those thoughts forever, especially not when its taunting you in the form of 6’4 290lb monster. Not worth it my man, cut this fame whore loose and take a lesson from Johnny Football and learn how to act like a D1 superstar QB.

PS –

AJ, real piece of advice I’m going to give you, free of charge. Because I care. Let this whole twitter war thing with Darnell Dockett go. You may not realize it but you are in WAY over your head.  I promise you the best move right now is to just walk away. Dude is flat out relentless and he’s probably not going to stop any time soon. I’m not neccessarily saying let him bang your girl in front of you but at the same time, you want zero part of an actual real world altercation with an actual real life crazy person.  And make no mistake AJ thats what Darnell Dockett is: a crazy person.  Trust me on this one, we can smell our own.

dockettGator

have you ever met a sane person that has an alligator? me neither.