Category Archives: Public Transit

Fixies with No Brakes

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I actually had the misfortune of over hearing one hipster telling another about how he used to own a fixie with no brakes. The other hipster then responded that that’s how all fixies should be. The line of logic I believe at play here is that being able to stop the vehicle a person is currently taddling atop while cruising around a metropolitan area that located mostly on the sides and peaks pf various hills is super confprmist and being a blood stain at the base of any of these hills is awesomely ironic. Fucking christ man, I hate to be the one that says it but these people need to go and just right properly fuck off. Why would you ever want a thing like brakes when you can just blow through four way intersections and buy a new pair of canverse every other week because the soles fell out. Which is super hip, you guys.

The thing of it is I wasn’t even in South Park or Golden Hill when this happened. That kind of thing I understand, my tolerance for hipster bullshit goes way up whenever Im forced into those nieghborhoods. It would be like going to Hillcrest and complaining about dudes holding hands in front of Rich’s or being upset at the sight of homeless people at the end of the OB Pier. But this, no this was dt in Litaly. In front of the Ballast Point Tasting Room.  Tell you what though I honestly hope this bag of mush gets his wish and all fixie bicycles have their brakes removed. Nothing says non-conformist like SDPD scaping a tangled mess of skinny jeans, mustache wax, a fixed gear bike and a banjo off of the back of an MTS bus parked at the bottom of B Street Hill.

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pictured: B St Hill

Can We Talk About How To Walk Down The Sidewalk?

Can we take a second to talk about how we as a society have apparently forgotten how to properly traverse a sidewalk? I get that here at the top of the First World we aren’t Chinese sweatshop workers so we all actually own smartphones and want to play with them all of the time.  For the most part I’m cool with it (unless you’re driving, then knock it off. You’re piloting a ton-and-a-half metal cruise missile through crowded streets, seriously knock it off) but there have to be some rules or at the very least some common courtesies.  I’m talking specifically about how its managed to clog up and clusterfuck up sidewalks in urban areas across the US.  It’s fucking ridiculous if we’re being honest.  So as a public service announcement Ye Old Boston Beatbox has draw up a little advice for the peoples:

SidewalkHere we have a person standing in the middle of the sidewalk dicking around on their iPhone. Shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the sidewalk like some sort of self-centered asshole.  Just begging for a dropkick. Don’t do this.

Sidewalk_StreetSideIf you are a reasonable person you should be glancing up from your phone every so often and if you suddenly find yourself in the middle of the sidewalk you can simply slide-step in one direction or the other. Either towards the street, like is pictured above, or inside towards the buildings, pictured below.

Sidewalk_InsideEither one is very acceptable and is obviously dependent on any surrounding foot traffic.  But at least your doing something and not just standing there like a goddamn beaver damn in a river.

Then there are these people which sadly are the most prevelent in this little mixed up technologicaly pubecent world of ours:

Sidewalk_WrongMake absolutely no mistake about it, if that red line is the path you take at a meandering pace while going down a sidewalk you are just one degree short of a fucking war criminal.  I’m not even sure I’m joking.  There are very few things in this world that will send me flying off into a blind rage as quickly as some douche bag asshole hipster fucking around on their smartphone wandering all over the goddamn sidewalk slower than shit trying to roll uphill.  Getting in the way of people just trying to get their coffee in the morning.  Awful, awful people.  Honestly though if you do this you should probably work on correcting that like immediately because every time you do this you take your life into your own hands.

If You Were Planning A Base Jumping Trip Do Not Do What This Guy Just Did

However if you were planning to make a video of a person’s near death experience this is EXACTLY how you do it.  Great job on the soundtrack/slo-mo

I am not a base jumping expert by any stretch and have at no point in my life ever claimed to be one.  With that being said however, I feel fairly comfortable in stating that this right here is 100% not the way to do it.  The real question I have is at what point to begin shitting your pants?  I have to assume it’s probably some time after that initial collision with the rock face.  I feel like I could have somewhat kept my cool when the chute first tangles and snaps homie back around towards the rocks but once I slammed full speed into the side of that cliff like a fly slapping into my winshield on the 5 North I think my asshole would have right properly loosened up and evacuated any and all contents.  Then when you hit the ground you just have to lay there in your own shitty pants (probably covered in blood by now) until the ambulance arrives while all of your friends gather around.  If your friends would ever let you live down the time you shit all over yourself then your friends are better people than mine are.  Bad day all around.

FAA Considering Allowing Cell Phone Service On Flights, Dumb People Get Angry

headphone-fetish-girl-on-girl headphones1Couldn’t decide which picture to use.  When in doubt, always go with both

Fox News – In November, Federal Communications Commission (FCC) Chairman Tom Wheeler announced that the agency would be considering whether cell phone use for voice calls should be allowed on planes. It makes sense to allow passengers to use their phones on planes, remembering basic courtesy. For the sake of everyone else on a plane, cell phones should be allowed for texting, email and other data communication, but not for voice phone calls except in the case of emergencies. In fact, a recent study by the Airline Passenger Experience Association and the Consumer Electronics Association (CEA)® found that 61 percent of airline passengers believe making cell phone calls should be restricted during flight.

If you are worried about people talking in cell phones on flights knock it off. If you aren’t wearing headphones on a flight you are already a certified asshole and should be forced to register yourself with some agency or another so your movements and habits can be tracked.  Not only should you have headphones and some combo of an iPod, laptop, smartphone, tablet but you should also have an extra battery on hand.  There is roughly zero excuse in this day and age to have to interact with any people on any form of public transit and if you think air travel is anything more than an extravagently expensive trip on a subway then you got another thing coming my man.  Seriously its the future and shit, if you don’t have headphones and a solid buzz (read: shithoused) on an airplane then you are 100% doing it wrong and you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Beatbox Tip: I’m begining to realize a whole lot of people haven’t realized that you can bring booze on your flight.  You can fill a clear plastic ziplock bag with nips (airplane bottles) and just remove it from your carry-on and send it through the X-Ray.  The FAA and TSA rules just regulate the amount of liquids and how they’re packaged, never specifies what sorts of liquids.

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You’re welcome

Improv Troup Recreates A Christmas Story on the Subway

Huff Po – Improv Everywhere has outdone themselves once again with the final installment in their Movies In Real Life series. This time, they give us the immortal “triple-dog dare” scene from “A Christmas Story,” brilliantly reset on a NYC subway train. And, yes, the kids use a subway pole instead of flag pole.

Goddamn it! I hate these assholes with every single fiber of my being.  Nobody in the world wants to be crammed on a NYC subway, or on any form of mass transit for that matter, crammed nut to butt with a bunch of strangers breathing in the stale air that hangs thick with the unmistakeable smell of three-day old hobo urine.  The whole experience is an exercise in humanities capacity for misery before someone snaps and kills somebody.   Every single morning you step onto the subway you are effectively playing Russian Roulette, hoping today is not the day that someone has been pushed a bridge too far. And that’s just what it’s like on a normal ass day.  Now que up these attention whoreing fucksticks.  They’re yelling at each other even though they’re literally standing 18 inches apart.  That would have been the first straw but hey if my music can be turned up loud enough to drown out some annoying ass kids whining at each other then I’m going to be a little agitated but in the end no harm no foul.  The SECOND that kid put his tongue on that gross ass subway pole and starts just screaming I would have lost my mind.  That absolutely 100% for sure would have been my breaking point.  Pop up outta my seat and deliver a devastating ninja kick to the jaw.  I’m quite honestly surprised no one on that train actually did physically assail these little twerps.

PS –

Yes I realize that the kid used a prosthetic tongue but I don’t care.  Getting your mouth that close to a NYC subway pole is one of the worst things you could do with your mouth.  A person would probably be way safer just giving a hummer to herpes ridden meth head.  Which if we’re being honest is most likely what at least one of the kids in that video will end up doing at some point in the future.