Category Archives: This Is A Real Thing

Burrito Vending Machine Is Intriguing To Say The Least

Why does the man reading this segment for the San Diego Union-Tribune have such a heavy British accent?  That doesn’t even begin to make any sense, if they wanted someone that sounded “ethnic” (as I’m sure they would put it) why wouldn’t they get somebody that had a slight Mexican accent?  Is it because a British accent seems more intelligent and trustworthy?  I find the whole thing a bit distracting.

Anyways as far the actual Burrito Box, I’m in favor of this.  I’m actually way more than in favor of this, I’m genuinely excited.  As of right now there’s just that one in Hollywood but I have to think this technology is just going to grow.  They’re never going to be able to replace a real life honest to god questionably documented mexican in a dirty taco shop kitchen but at 3am I’m pretty sure these things are Johnny on the fucking spot.  Although I have no doubts whatsoever that the morning after effects of a vending machine burrito are pretty vengeful that has never stopped me before and I will be damned if thats going to change today! Burrito Box!

Wu-Tang Wednesdays

WuTang

So I’ve decided that since we’re into the New Year (is that supposed to be capitalized) now is a good time to introduce some new things I want to do here around OneLastLine. One of the first things I would like to get done is to make it official and institute Wu-Tang Wednesdays. Around lunch (on the West Coast) every Wednesday I’m going to post at least one video or song from the Wu-Tang Clan or one of its many members’ solo shit. My train of logic is that lunch time on Wednesday is damn near exactly halfway through the workweek and we could all use a little pick me up to try and close out the second half of the week. Now bring da Mothafuckin Ruckus!

this video is dope

Steven Seagal Wants to Run For Gov of Arizona

pictured above: the next Governor of Arizona

Daily Beast – With Arnold Schwarzenegger out of office, there’s obviously an opening for an action star-turned politician in elected office. Enter Steven Seagal. The actor said earlier this week that he is considering running for governor of Arizona, following his collaboration with Sheriff Joe Arpaio for a reality television show. The show, filmed in Arizona in 2011, will start airing this month on the Reelz Network. Seagal said he wants to enhance border security, an issue he believes in even more strongly after his friendship with Arapio. “When somebody asks if Joe Arpaio’s a racist, I’m not going to say I don’t think so,” Seagal said. “I’m going to say I know he’s not a racist. He doesn’t care what nationality you are. He cares if you’re a criminal.

So this is a thing, a thing that is real in this actual world.  Steven Seagal is considering a run for Governor of Arizona because back in 2011 he was on a reality TV show playing policeman in Mariacopa County, Arizona with the worst law enforcement official in ‘Murica! Sheriff Joe Arpaio and somehow really liked it.  If you’ve ever been to Arizona you know that this is truely the first sign of lunacy.  Apparently Seagal’s entire campaign platform is going to be something along the lines of “hey Mex-ee-cans, the fuck yew think yer doin here? Get back over the fence!” because that’s Sheriff Joe’s bag.  And you can relax guys because its definitely not that Sheriff Joe is just some power mad racist old white man because Sheriff Joe is totally NOT a racist.  Gov Seagal doesn’t just think Arpaio’s not a racist, he knows Sheriff Joe isn’t a racist.  Shit I bet he even tips his gardeners around the holidays.

PS –

If this actually comes to fruition and we get to Marked For Death running the cowboy state of Arizona then I say we here in the Golden State need to hop to it and get the Governator back in Sacramento.  We simply can not allow Arizona to have an action star Governor right in our eyes like that? They’re going to have a more famouse action star Governor than the home of Hollywood? Bullfuckingshit! We need vote Ahnold back into the Governor’s Mansion (we have one of those right? I mean I know Arnold has his own but does one come with the job? Probably) and have ourselves a good old fashioned no holds barred Governor vs Governor Hell-In-A-Cell.  I would watch the ever living shit out of that fight.

Double PS –
Governator Schwartenager wins this thing in a bloodbath. He single handedly exploded a Predator that one time. Oh and he’s a T-800, duh

Back Dimples! Best Things Ever!

BackDimples1

Thumb rests, video games, hand grips, back dimples call them whatever you want but there is one thing I think that we can all agree on: they are awesome.  Just something about seeing a girls’ lower back and noticing two perfectly placed little indents.  It just triggers a primal part of the male brain that says “this female is quite literally built for fucking”.  Sex on top of sex on top of sex.  Hey I can’t always explain it.  Sometimes it really just is the little things in life:
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Jose Canseco’s New Life Mission: US Congressman

Whew, the fine people of the great state of Nevada can relax and breathe easy now.  In case anybody missed this in all of the maddness that was Week 17 I just wanted to let everyone know Jose Canseco wants to run for Congress.  Like US Congress.  As in the one in Washington DC.  All 4 of the state’s current sitting congressmen are up for re-election in 2014.   Jose Canseco to the rescue. Boom. You’re all welcome. For real though the people of Nevada dont even have to worry about congressional elections at this point, just write in Jose Canseco for all four of the seats and watch the problems begin to fix themselves.

I personally dont think this goes far enough. I know Big Mac is the hitting coach in LaLa Land but I feel like Jose should be able to talk him into leaving Chavez Ravine to reunite The Bash Brothers for a run at the White House in 2016. I’m starting it now Canseco/McGwire 2016! Bash Brothers For ‘Murica!

Honestly is there anything Jose Canseco CANT do? Or at least wont openly beg for on Twitter? Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Chicago Cubs manager, US Congressman from Nevada. One of the most interesting personalities on twitter without a doubt.

PS –

How relieved do you thing Gov Sandoval is? Jose was going to run for Governor but decided to allow Gov Sandoval to keep his job because he likes him too much. Thats a classy and respectable move by Representative Canseco right there, not forcing Gov Sandoval to hold a completely unscheduled and taxpayer funded Gubernatorial election just so he could steal his job.

“Dang, Jose Canseco just took all our Congressional seats again” – ‘Murica!

#yeswecanseco #cansecocongress #CansecoMcGwire2016 #BashBrosForMurica

See-Through Pool Tables Are Real And They Are Spectacular

A stranger commercial or advertisement or investor pitch or whatever that was these Irish eyes have never seen but I’ll be Kim Kardashian’s OBGYN if that wasn’t crazy effective.  Weird ass soundtrack aside that video made that table look sexy as fuck.  I mean ten minutes ago I wasn’t even aware that pool billiards tables with a “patented transparent vitrik playing surface” and now I’m panicking wondering how I’ve managed to survive this long without one.  Honestly I’m not sure how much longer I can go on with this little life of mine carrying with me the knowledge that something this awesome exists and I do not posses it.   The imagination strolls through some dark places when I start thinking about all of the endless degenerate possibilities. Just oozes class and sophistication.  Need one and I need one three months ago.

We’ve Got A Penguin XMas Parade Over Here!

So this is a thing…a thing that is very real and very awesome.  This is brought to us from wacky little South Korea, the least insane of the far eastern power players.  This is just adorable as shit.  This is going down at a theme park (whose theme is apparently to kick ass and take names) to kick off the Christmas celebration.  I’ll be perfectly honest and tell you that prior to writing this I had no idea asiental even fucked with Christmas let alone dressing up penguins in little Santa and elf suits.  But if you’re going to be the only East Asia nation to recognize Baby Jesus and the manger this is how you do it.  I really feel like Baby JC would have much preferred this over some frankenses or mir.  And in all honesty I would probably just trade the gold for a Penguin XMas Parade anyway.  Job well done South Korea, job well done.  The world has been put on notice, South Korea is Christmasing for keeps this year.  Step ya game up ‘Murica! we can’t be losing holidays to the Koreans.

PS –

Untitled

Never had to tell a small asian child to fuck off until right this moment

Hey you little Korean kid in the Yankees hat, don’t think I don’t see the NY on the side of your hat? The fuck is that about? Who the hell wears the logo on the side of the hat? Although as a man with a mean PigTail/Poof-Ball Hat game I can respect the hustle.

#PoofBallHat