Category Archives: sports

The San Diego Padres Are Officially The Best At Being The Worst

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After getting swept by the Dodgers and shutout in all three games the San Diego Padres are the first team in the 100+ year history of Major League Baseball to be shut out in 3 straight games to open a season. The previous record was 26 consecutive scoreless innings by the St. Louis Cardinals to open the 1943 campaign (those Cardinals incidently went on to win 105 games, but thats irrelevant in our case). This comes fresh on the heals of their 15-0 Opening Day fiasco, which is now the most lopsided shutout in MLB Opening Day history. The previous record holder you ask? The Pittsburgh Pirates trounced the Cincinnati Reds 14-0 pm Opening Day…in 1911. 105 fucking years ago. This is just poor baseball.

This weekend the Padres head to Denver for the Rockies home opener. If they can not sonehow, someway scratch a few runs across in Coors Field this weekend I nominate the Padres for relegation. Send the entire organization to El Paso and call up the Chihuahuas to San Diego. Make the Padres earn their way back to Major Leagues because they definitely dont deserve to be there. I’ve joked for years that the Padres are a Quadruple A baseball team but this is worse than Quadruple A. Im not even sure this is Triple A level baseball.

I didnt expect the Padres to be any good in 2016, but this? This is flat out unacceptable. Silver lining is that there should be plenty of good seats available this year.

Whats The O/U on Pounds of BBQ That Big Papi and The Big Hurt Are Going To Crush in KC?

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Big Papi just casually taking a selfish with Big Hurt while wearing roughly $100,000 worth of diamonds on his left hand/wrist. His left hand is definitely worth more money than my life. The real question is which ring is he wearing? I hope it’s the 2004.

PS –
For those of you that will want to point out the Large Father doesn’t know how to selfie because clearly a third party took that picture just do me a favor go back and read his tweet again. He’s taking a selfish which is when someone takes a picture of you taking a selfie which is a thing me and David Ortiz just invented.

Royals vs Giants World Series Preview

After what seems like an eternity between baseball games the World Series kicks off tonight in Kansas City with what should be an absolutely electric crowd at Kauffman Stadium. So before first pitch tonight lets have a little preview of the 2014 World Series.

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Rocio Miranda Is What I Dream All South American Women’s Asses Are Like

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if looks could kill, they probably will

Dat ass! Good jumpin Jesus this girl, this girl right here is Rocio Miranda and she just redefines what an amazing latina ass should look like.  Just perfect.  The crazy part is that she finished 2nd in Miss Reef 2011 (I swear to you I will track down who beat her out, that I have GOT to see) and lists modeling as her hobby.  Yup, this is just what she does ont he side for shits and giggles.  Her full time profession is as a Voleibolista, which since I dont speak spanish can only assume is some combination of serving coffee while having a volleyball shaped butt. She’s probably really really good at that job.

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The Nike KD VI Away II That Are Dropping Tomorrow Are The New Hottness In The Streets

It may not be a well known fact for everyone in the world but I am a sneaker junkie and as such I have to say these shoes are fucking fire! These little gems are the KD VI “Away II” colorway and they drop tomorrow (11JAN2014).  Not only is it a dope electric blue/grey/volt green color scheme but the grey portion of the shoe actually features a raised pattern providing some excellent texture and depth.  Priced for retail at $140 these are reasonably priced (in the world of basketball shoes) and I kind of feel like I need a pair of these.  Not want a pair, need a pair.

If you’re like me and want to see a few more pics from some different angles I put together I pretty solid gallery after the jump

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NFL Division Round Picks

Went 1-1-2 ATS Wildcard Weekend after getting lucky and locking in the Chiefs +1 early on in the week.  I went 2-2 if you take the point spread out of things, so the absolute definition of mediocrity.  Could have been worse though so we’re going to put that all behind us, its the Divisional Round and we have a whole new slate of games.  The power players are all in action this week and we have four regular season rematches with one of them being the third act in an AFC West drama.  Lets get on with the picks for the Divisional Round of the 2013 National Football League Playoffs:

New Orleans @ Seattle (-7.5)

You know this isn’t what New Orleans wanted to see.  Fresh off of the franchise’s first ever road playoff win against an over-matched Eagles team they now get to travel up to the Pac Northwest and their own personal House of Horrors.  The last time we saw the Saints travel to The Emerald City the Seahawks took Drew Brees & Co out behind the woodshed and gave them some Deliverence style hospitality on MNF for all the world to see.  New Orleans last playoff trip to Seattle wasnt any better, that was the game where the defending Super Bowl Champs were introduced to a freshly de-Buffalo’ed Marshawn Lynch who went fucking BEASTMODE on the entire Saints defense, emasculating them all individually in the process.

The Picks:

ATS: Seahwaks – 7.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

Indy (+7) @ New England

After a ridiculous and frantic comeback in the second half at home last week for his first career playoff victory Andrew Luck will now lead his Colts into Foxboro to attempt to get his first road playoff win.  The Colts come in about as hot as they possibly can and are the trendy pick for a surprise Super Bowl run.  Unfortunately for the Colts the only reason they had to complete the second greatest comeback in NFL post season hearing and all of the heroics from Shrek Luck was because in the biggest game of his career to date he played about as poorly as possible for the first 30 min.  That shit will not fly this weekend.  That’s not Fat Andy Reid and a Chiefs franchise that has the stink of failure hanging over them across the field on Saturday evening.  While this Patriots defense has had crippling injury after crippling injury this year I simply can not envision Luck overcoming all of those mistakes a second time especially since this incarnation of the Patriot offense can take the ball and grind 6min of game time off of the clock if need be.

The picks:

ATS: Colts +7

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

San Francisco @ Carolina (+1.5)

.The 49ers come into this game fresh off of one of the colder games in recent memory in a dirt parking lot in Green Bay that provided the perfect ending to a truly Wildcard Weekend facing Cam Newton in his post-season debut.  After road teams went 3-1 in the Wildcard Weekend SF is appartently the sexy pick as this weekends road victors.  I don’t see it.  The Panthers have been one of the best teams in football the last several m,onthysa and thats not because of Cam but rather because of their defense.  In what should be a hard hitting and low scoring affair the Panthers should improve to 2-0 vs SF this season as the defense should carry them ton victory.

The Picks:

ATS: Panthers + 1.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

San Diego (+9.5) @ Denver

The Chargers have a little bit of momentum, go into Mile High as the only team in football to beat Peyton in Denver this season and they have every reason in the world to believe in themselves.  For that exact same reason I’m picking against the Chargers straight up this week. This is what I said in my picks column from last week about the San Diego Super Chargers, “they sabotage themselves in games they’re supposed to win and somehow pull out Ws when absolutely nobody expects it” and I was right.  Now I’m going to ride that philosophy this week.  When you factor in the point spread I like the Chargers because the simply do not get blown out.

The Picks:

ATS: Chargers +9.5

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game: