Tag Archives: football

NFL Division Round Picks

Went 1-1-2 ATS Wildcard Weekend after getting lucky and locking in the Chiefs +1 early on in the week.  I went 2-2 if you take the point spread out of things, so the absolute definition of mediocrity.  Could have been worse though so we’re going to put that all behind us, its the Divisional Round and we have a whole new slate of games.  The power players are all in action this week and we have four regular season rematches with one of them being the third act in an AFC West drama.  Lets get on with the picks for the Divisional Round of the 2013 National Football League Playoffs:

New Orleans @ Seattle (-7.5)

You know this isn’t what New Orleans wanted to see.  Fresh off of the franchise’s first ever road playoff win against an over-matched Eagles team they now get to travel up to the Pac Northwest and their own personal House of Horrors.  The last time we saw the Saints travel to The Emerald City the Seahawks took Drew Brees & Co out behind the woodshed and gave them some Deliverence style hospitality on MNF for all the world to see.  New Orleans last playoff trip to Seattle wasnt any better, that was the game where the defending Super Bowl Champs were introduced to a freshly de-Buffalo’ed Marshawn Lynch who went fucking BEASTMODE on the entire Saints defense, emasculating them all individually in the process.

The Picks:

ATS: Seahwaks – 7.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

Indy (+7) @ New England

After a ridiculous and frantic comeback in the second half at home last week for his first career playoff victory Andrew Luck will now lead his Colts into Foxboro to attempt to get his first road playoff win.  The Colts come in about as hot as they possibly can and are the trendy pick for a surprise Super Bowl run.  Unfortunately for the Colts the only reason they had to complete the second greatest comeback in NFL post season hearing and all of the heroics from Shrek Luck was because in the biggest game of his career to date he played about as poorly as possible for the first 30 min.  That shit will not fly this weekend.  That’s not Fat Andy Reid and a Chiefs franchise that has the stink of failure hanging over them across the field on Saturday evening.  While this Patriots defense has had crippling injury after crippling injury this year I simply can not envision Luck overcoming all of those mistakes a second time especially since this incarnation of the Patriot offense can take the ball and grind 6min of game time off of the clock if need be.

The picks:

ATS: Colts +7

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

San Francisco @ Carolina (+1.5)

.The 49ers come into this game fresh off of one of the colder games in recent memory in a dirt parking lot in Green Bay that provided the perfect ending to a truly Wildcard Weekend facing Cam Newton in his post-season debut.  After road teams went 3-1 in the Wildcard Weekend SF is appartently the sexy pick as this weekends road victors.  I don’t see it.  The Panthers have been one of the best teams in football the last several m,onthysa and thats not because of Cam but rather because of their defense.  In what should be a hard hitting and low scoring affair the Panthers should improve to 2-0 vs SF this season as the defense should carry them ton victory.

The Picks:

ATS: Panthers + 1.5

Moving on to the NFC Championship Game:

San Diego (+9.5) @ Denver

The Chargers have a little bit of momentum, go into Mile High as the only team in football to beat Peyton in Denver this season and they have every reason in the world to believe in themselves.  For that exact same reason I’m picking against the Chargers straight up this week. This is what I said in my picks column from last week about the San Diego Super Chargers, “they sabotage themselves in games they’re supposed to win and somehow pull out Ws when absolutely nobody expects it” and I was right.  Now I’m going to ride that philosophy this week.  When you factor in the point spread I like the Chargers because the simply do not get blown out.

The Picks:

ATS: Chargers +9.5

Moving on to the AFC Championship Game:

Johnny Football Manziel’s Final College Game is Appointment Television


Welp folks this is it. 5pm PST in the Chick-fil-A Bowl the world of college football will bid farewell to Johnny Football. I am so excited for this game I can’t even describe it. Sorry Duke, you’ve had a great year and all but you are the lambs being led to slaughter.  Im hoping for the full on Johnny Manziel experience. Im talking hang 70 points throw for 400 yds and run for another 300 all while racking up 150yds in personal fouls for unsportsmanlike conduct.  For my money he cant go far enough, come out in a fur coast like Joe Willy Goddamn Namath, gold ropes on the field like he’s PrimeTime.  Fuck a Duke cheeleader in the middle of the 3rd quarter.  Nothing is going to be over the top enough for me. Please Johnny Football, for me, for the kids but most importantly for ‘Murica! put on The Ritz on this New Years Eve.

Goodnight sweet prince, the world of college football will miss you way more than you will miss it

Good To See The Patriots Aren’t In Your Brain Terrell


nesn.com – It’s no secret that Terrell Suggs is not a fan of the Patriots, and the linebacker claims that the vast majority of the NFL shares his sentiments.

Suggs told WEEI’s The Big Show on Wednesday that he “guarantee[s] the other 31 teams hate the New England Patriots,” claiming that the league has bent the rules in New England’s favor on several occasions. This boast comes a month after Suggs’ Ravens defeated the Pats in the AFC Championship Game, which the backer followed up by calling his opponents “the most arrogant pricks in the world” and wishing them luck in the Pro Bowl


And I use the term “Brain” very loosely. I was going to say Skull in the title but hen I realized there must be an awful lot of room of Mr. Sugg’s Skull.  It’s really unbelievable, inconceivable even.  Hey homeboy, you just won the Super Bowl.  Literally less than a month ago.  You should still be basking in Post-SuperBowl Glory or getting ready for next season.  Yet in spite of being at the very pinnacle of your profession you feel the need to go out of your way to bad mouth the Patriots.  You beat us, in Foxboro. Completely dominated Brady in the 2nd half of the AFCCG.  We all have accepted it and moved on.  Why can’t you Terrell? Let it go, this shit isn’t healthy my man.  You are at the apex, at the summit of Everest as far as the NFL is concerned.  You should be enjoying this. 

But Terrell Suggs isn’t enjoying his Super Bowl victory for one reason or another because he would rather spend his off time talking non-sense about the New England Patriots.  Having that big of an Inferiotority Complex must fucking blow.  Finally achieving the one thing you’ve been striving for and sacrificing for since you were 12yrs old and you still can’t get the New England Patriots, the dragon you slayed, out of your head.  Because you know the Dragon wasn’t killed but merely wounded and is licking its wounds getting ready.  I’m not sure when this became more about dragons than football but bottom line is that I take it as the highest and utmost sign of respect when even after Suggs beat the Patriots en route to winning a Super Bowl he somehow still can’t seem to shake the thought that he is inferior to the New England Patriots.  That and I would pay real good money (by that I mean Canadian dollars) to see Terrell Suggs fight a Dragon.


Belichick is not pleased with how the Patriots’ season ended. He will be making changes.

If This Doesn’t Explain Why The Future Is Fucked Nothing Will

It’s a wonder NFL prospects don’t boycott useless Wonderlic test

Honestly, I debated on whether or not I wanted to mention this and give this shmuck any possible further traffic or exposure.  Then I remembered that nobody reads this so I decided to say screw it and go for the gold.  The problem I have is that there are so many things in this article I hate I have absolutly no idea where to begin so I guess I’ll break down my hate in the article’s chronoligical order (probably the wrong phrase but the fuck I give is non-existent):

CBSSports.com : a series of studies that have concluded, independently, that a prospect’s score on the Wonderlic has no bearing on how he will perform in the NFL … or even where he will be drafted. To recap: The Wonderlic neither predicts a player’s NFL future nor affects where he will be drafted.

And still it’s used, and not used for good but for bad. It’s used as a hammer by media and fans who get their hands on scores and congratulate those who did well, yes, but who have more fun mocking those who don’t.

Shame on any of us who would use a person’s Wonderlic score against him, as if it matters in the grand scheme of things. It doesn’t matter, not any more than a short person’s height matters, or a bald person’s scalp matters. We are who we are. We were born with certain genetics, good and bad, so who are we to mock someone because their genetic code isn’t quite as sterling, in a specific area, as ours?

So effectively if you think you may not be perfect at something don’t even bother trying because you know, who cares? The world owes us all everything we desire all the time and positive thinking is all we need.  We would never want something like the NFL Combine to turn into a pseudo human trafficking center where they measure every physical aspect and attribute of a human being before making an evaluation based on the aforementioned numbers and deciding when to select said humans and how much to pay them. Oh, wait that is exactly what the NFL Combine is.  The whole event exists for one reason and one reason only: to measure humans against other humans in every possible measurable category that may pertain to a job offer worth millions of dollars.  An opportunity for a little due diligence to be done by the guys signing the cheques.  Hell, if you don’t want to take the Wonderlic you can always go on a job interview in the real world and hope they don’t ask you to prove that you’re capable of doing basic arithmetic for a treasure chest full of gold.

Holy shit, I didn’t do an image search for the clownshoe that wrote the original article until after I wrote my piece but holy shit, this is EXACTLY what I was hoping/assuming this douchebag looked like :


Gregg Doyel, will you be my arch nemesis? I feel like I already hate everything about you and we barely even know each other. I’m sure in time you’ll learn to hate me as well. You somehow manage to bring out the best of my hate. You complete me. Go Fuck Yourself Gregg Doyel. I’ll see you in Hell.

Antler-Gate Seems Awfully Convienient

People who get away with double murder are generally pretty crafty

To say the timing of Sports fucking Illustrated releasing a report that uncovers Ray Lewis’ PEDeer use is suspicious would be an understatement.  Just to make sure we all understand, on the morning of Super Bowl Media Day it becomes widely reported that Sports Illustrated (the same magazine that got catfished by Manti Te’os fake dead Hawaiian Samoan ladyboy girlfriend) has uncovered evidence that Ray Lewis, at 37 years old, used some strange form of Deer Antler Therapy to magically heal his torn triceps at roughly 10,000,000 x the average healing rate for a 22-year-old suffering the same injury.  On the morning of Super Bowl Media Day.  Now I’m not saying that Ray Lewis fed SI this story knowing that this is his final game and the NFL will never be able to do anything about his PEDeer use so that the media would ask him questions about that instead of that whole messy double homicide thing thirteen years ago but that is exactly what I’m saying.  I see you Ray Lewis, I see what you’re up to.  In some ways I have to respect the hustle.  Sly as fuck.