Category Archives: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

#BearSelfie Is A New Thing That Could Only Possibly End Well

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San Diego UT – Having a smart phone doesn’t necessarily make a person smart. In fact, the device seems to make some people just plain dumb. Case in point. Bear selfies. In fact, stopping to take a picture of oneself while a large, powerful mammal that could rip you to shreds in seconds lurks close behind, has become such a popular thing to do that the U.S. Forest Service officials in South Lake Tahoe are warning the shutterbugs to stop. Because it’s dangerous, people! “We’ve had mobs of people that are actually rushing toward the bears trying to get a ‘selfie’ photo,”  The Taylor Creek area of Lake Tahoe is a popular place for visitors and is also the site of the fall fish festival, a family event that includes fish painting, a treasure hunt, mascots Lulu the Lahontan Cutthroat Trout and Sandy and Rocky Salmon, the Bumble Bee ice cream truck and the ever popular giant inflatable fish. Visitors are even pulling their cars over along state Route 89 and venturing off the road and off trails to get the snapshots of the wild creatures. It has gotten so bad that officials are threatening to shut down the area. “It is presenting a safety issue,” Herron told the paper. “We are afraid someone is going to get attacked.” According to the Forest Service, there are 25,000 to 30,000 black bears in California. A male bear can weigh as much as 500 pounds and run as fast as 35 mph.

 

This supposedly some new trend among attention whores on on the internet, to stop and turn your back on a bear in the wild so you can take (an admittedly fucking bad ass) selfie for Instagram. I say supposedly because this has the feeling of one of those things where in reality only a handful of people actually did it but Old Media gets confused by The Al GoreTube Network and next thing you know taking selfies with apex predators in the wild becomes a “trend”. But lets assume this really is a thing that is indeed a trend among people who have regular access to wild black bears, I think we can all agree that these people are lunatics. That bear might look docile and whatever just chillin eating some berries and grubs but if he decides he wants to eat you he can. I’m no bear expert but I would think if he wanted you as a snack or if he was just doing Darwin’s dirty work because you annoyed him I would imagine the perfect time would be when this dumbass, unarmed, pork chop lookin mothafucker with an iphone turns it’s back. And when someone inevitably gets mauled by a bear thats trying to get every last bit of easy protein before turning in for the winter can we all agree that it should not have to be hunted down and shot? Like I get that’s our normal response to animals that eat a human and normally I understand and support that thinking but this is different. I feel like anytime you stop and do something inconsiderate, dangerous or just not smart all in the name of taking a selfie, whatever happens to you is on you. The laws and conventions of society are suspended for however long you’re self-indulgence takes.

PS –

How about that Fall Fish Festival huh? Treasure Hunts, Lulu the Cutthroat Trout and the ever popular giant inflatable fish?! And they have fish painting! I have no idea what fish painting is or how it works but I assume it has something to do with both painting and a fish, maybe you paint pictures for the fish? Or of the fish? or maybe with the fish, like you use the fish as a brush to paint? So so so sooo many possibilities at the South Tahoe Fall Fish Fest.

Lets Take A Look Back At The Time LA Sheriff’s Raided Justin Bieber’s House Looking For Eggs

editor’s note: this is a blog that I wrote way back when this happened (sometime in February I think?) but just never posted for some reason but I feel like the week of Halloween is a good time to post a story about a house getting egged.

LA Times – Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home.  Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer.  Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies are serving a felony search warrant at the Calabasas residence of singer Justin Bieber in connection to an investigation into an egging incident at his neighbor’s home.  Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said eight people are being detained inside Bieber’s home, including the singer.  Whitmore said the egging incident was determined to be a felony because it caused several thousand dollars worth of damage. Nagelmann said the neighbor told deputies he had seen Bieber throwing the eggs. The offense in the initial police report is listed as misdemeanor vandalism, according to the Sheriff’s Department.  Authorities said it was unknown what prompted the egging.

So this is the big news of Tuesday morning in the Los Angeles Times.  Just splashed all over their website. Which I’m going to take as great news because it obviously means that all of the other problems in the greater-LA area have apparently been solved.  You can sleep with doors unlocked tonight Los Angeles! All crime has been solved.

That being said, as the pre-eminent smut blogger in the American Southwest I would not be fullfilling the office I was sworn into if I didnt mention this because to be quite honest this whole thing a bit perplexing.  First off how the hell do you even rack up several grand in property damage throwing eggs?  I mean I knew that pop royalty like The Biebs are goign to have access to the finer things in life but what was he throwing, Elephant Bird eggs?  Really nice to see that the Sheriffs didnt over react or anything with a dawn raid on Casa de Biebs in search of, eggs I guess?

 

Kanye West Just Will Not Get It

coinye today

HuffPo – Kanye West is not happy about “Coinye,” a new digital currency created by anonymous coders that bears his name and face.  West’s lawyers filed a cease-and-desist letter against Coinye’s creators on Monday, arguing that the cryptocurrency represents a trademark infringement, according to the Wall Street Journal.  “Given Mr. West’s wide-ranging entrepreneurial accomplishments, consumers are likely to mistakenly believe that Mr. West is the source of your services,” the document reads.

Either Kanye West simply does not get it or he is doing a sublime job of trolling us all.  I used to think he was just a musical genius acting out (it happens) then I though maybe he just really loved the attention so he started trolling us, now I think Kanye may have actually lost himself.  Like at this point HE doesn’t even know what the hell he’s doing anymore. He has basically become Randy Marsh coaching Sarcastaball when he can not stop being sarcastic:

Now he’s having his attorney send out cease and desist orders against some nerds proving once again that he just doesn’t get it.  Kanye might actually be the musical genius of a generation he claims to be but nobody can pay attention to the art he’s creating when he’s doing stupid shit like this, becoming a caricature of himself.  He’s so defensive of his own ego at this stage in the game that he can’t even realize this shit should be way beneath him.  Homie shouldn’t even be acknowledging this noise.  For real, would anyone know what the hell Coinye is without him blowing this whole thing out of proportion, filing this lawsuit and giving these guys all the PR they could ever dream of (as well as a blogging gold mine)? Probably not.  But now because he had to kick and scream about someone making fun of him we all get to sit around pointing and laughing at his expense once again.  C’mon man get your act together.  You are a magnificently talented artist.  You’re better than this.

Who Wants to Go Half on a NorCal Ghost Town?

$225000 Seneca — ghost-town with liquor license (Seneca)

GhostTownForSale

(Here’s the whole Craig’s List post for any interested potential Co-Mayoral candidates)

Wait wait wait, are you telling me there is an opportunity to buy a whole goddamn town? I think that’s whats going on here.  The original post is quite lengthy so lets break it down and take a look at some of the finer points of this sweet, sweet ghost town:

– Want to buy a ghost town with a bar and liquor license? Expand it into a unique getaway! Perhaps the most remote “restaurant” in Northern California. 9.8 acres. The property includes the “town” — which is just the bar, 3 rundown cabins and the acreage.

We will consider offers.

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Darren Rovell vs Gregg Doyel: A Twitter Epic

I wrote about my feelings towards Gregg Doyel way back when I started OneLastLine and rest assured NOTHING has changed.  Darren Rovell is a weird little troll of a man/robot that seems to have a really unusual fetish that centers around sports advertising and revenue streams.  I’m not even sure that Rovell understands how sports actually work, in his little robot mind he just sees ad opportunities.  Strange bird indeed. Oh and I think he may have gone to a little place called Northwestern.  Ever heard of it?  It’s basically the Columbia of Evanston.  I follow both of these clownshoes on Twitter because it’s always nice to have someone to direct all that abject hate I harbor towards people whom truly deserve it. I noticed during the B1G Title Game these two fucking nitwits started getting into a sissy slap boxing match (I should probably be careful since Doyel is a super serious MMA Fighter, seriously you guys) over Urban Meyer’s contract stipulation and payouts.  Who the hell even cares about this kind of thing? Kind of makes me weep for society. Anyway I noticed it and documented it for the masses, so without further a do I present Gregg Doyle vs Darren Rovell: A Twitter Epic:

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I’m Back!

Beatbox Internal Monolog: Alright today’s the day we’re getting OLL going again! How should we kick this off? A video with chicks on horses? Done done and done. Beatbox you clever bastard

Hey everybody! Welcome back to OneLastLine, I know I haven’t been around much these last few months but rest assured I am back and intend to be in full swing keeping you mutts as entertained as possible as we all make our way through this work a day world.

Please accept the following video as a token of my gratitude for not only your patients with my unpredictable writing schedule but also for comming back. This video is sorta-NSFW, no nakedness but it is scorching fucking hot,  One of the hottest things I’ve ever seen and I’ve had sex with a real girl before. Seriously toss in some headphones, hit play and enjoy:

If this isn’t the hottest 1:06 of your Monday morning then Bravo good sir, Bravo

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

So this is a new thing I’m going to try out here.  I figure since we as a populous are handing so many ignorant people unbelievable amounts of wealth and wholly undeserved attention there are more than a few examples of When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.  So without further ado I present to you When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong Volume 1 :

AHern_Tebow_UFYup, we’re going to talk about how bad Tim Tebow is at QB. Nothing else to see here. move it along.

Its always good to lead off with a strong performance, want to stick to something close to home and so ladies and gentleman I present to you my least favorite Mexican Aaron Hernandez.  This guy is 100% the text book definition of When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong.  Dude just got a $40million 5yr deal from the best organization in sports to catch passes from Greatest QB to ever grace us mere mortals with his presence, including $12.5mil UPFRONT. As in straight cash money. At 23 years old. And he has an infant.  If all of that can’t convince you to stop gang banging I’m relatively certain nothing ever will.

wu61ODB would be so disappointed.

And honestly how is it possible for this fucking guy to be as bad committing getting away with murder as he is good at football? Absolute mind-bending shit.  Kind of makes Gronk drunkenly body slamming his brother whilst shirtless at Encore in Vegas and banging a couple porn stars look pretty innocent by comparison now does it?

Gronk_JailNo buddy, you’re fine. Just stick to plowing pornstars.