an absolutely marvelous job by the Pittsburgh Pengiuns crowd last night singing ‘Oh Canada’, chills up my spine and tears in my eyes
By now I assume most people in the world with an internet connection know what has transpired in Canada the last few days. Two Canadian service-members murdered on their Native Soil while a third recovers in the hospital. If it wasnt for the incredibly decisive and brave actions of Canadian Parliament Sergeant-at-Arms Kevin Vickers, who shot the terrorist dead in the halls of Parliament, this could have been a massacre on a truly horrifying scale. Mr. Vickers is being lauded as a Canadian hero today and rightfully so. With the full parliament in session and the PM in the building, today could have had a much different narrative were it not for the heroics of Mr. Vickers.
As I write this it seems that both of these attacks were carried out by natural born Canadian jihadist (possibly self-radicalized). The driver of the car (I steadfastly refuse to mention the names of these assholes) that ran down the two soldiers in Quebec on Tuesday had converted to Islam, had his Canadian passport revoked for attempting to travel to Turkey, his social media footprint features a heavy-handed dose of Islamic State propoganda and he was on a Terror Watch List. It is becoming more and more clear now that Wednesday’s shooter was at the very least influenced by ISIS, as he had also had his Canadian passport revoked to prevent him from traveling abroad and had been placed on a Watch List.
Who the fuck attacks Canada? They’re like our little brother to the North. They never bothered anybody. These motherfucking Jihadis are really starting to piss me right the fuck off. I get it when you come after Good Old ‘Murica, we’re the imperialists. Some pretty horrific things have been done around the globe in the name of Uncle Sam. So while I do not appreciate nor do I encourage all this Islamist hate towards us, fundamentally I get it. Same goes for the Brits who are the OG Imperialists on the block and are pretty much always down to get into a brawl with someone on our behalf. In that sense the UK is like a friend’s older brother who doesnt really want to join in but just cant stand the thought of sitting on the sidelines. Australia has recently made a handful of terrorist arrests and even that makes some sense, Australia is basically America’s awesome drinking buddy that you call at midnight yelling about how we have to go fuck some dude up and Australia just asks that we pick them up on the way. But Canada? The fuck has Canada ever done to anyone other that kick their ass in hockey? Canada has been our reluctant sidekick through all this. They dont necessarily want to join us but their options are somewhat geographically limited. I love Canada for who and what they: super polite friendly people, breathtaking landscapes of The Great White North, socialized medicine, motherfucking poutine, the home of the finest French whores on this side of the Atlantic, and hockey.
I watched last year as my hometown Boston was disrupted by cowardly attacks at The Marathon finish line on Patriots’ Day and as the nation of Canada begins the process of healing itself while coming to terms with their collective loss of innocence in the age of global terrorism we here at One Last Line stand in solidarity with our neighbors to the North. #CanadaStrong
Please take a moment to say a quick word for the fallen:
It was me. I did. Did you guess that? You probably should have seeing as how I have an eye for the finer things in life. What says class and sophistication better than every thing else in the whole wide world? A Sgt Slaughter Autographed Intercontinental Championship Belt thats what. To be perfectly honest I didnt even know how badly I needed this until I found out it existed but once I saw it, oh buddy you better believe it was going to be mine.
Posted that Elf as the watch because its so fucking creepy nobody wants to get near it
Well partially mine anyway. See the thing of it is its not exactly in my posesion right now. A friend of mine from back in my days sailing the seven seas happens to be a Detroit Red Wings fan and subsequently an awful person and since NHL realignment happily landed the Red Wings and Bruins in the same division we made a long running bet with The Precious as the prize. The last time these two met up the Bruins got their shit pushed in 6-2 and I had to mail that magnificent piece of ‘Murican history to the post apocalyptic hellscape formerly known as Detroit until the next time these two storied franchises skate again in 2014. But believe me it will be mine again, oh yes it will be mine. Until we meet again my precious…
The fact that my signature doesn’t include a self portrait makes me feel like less of a man
If you can’t get down with a poof-ball winter hat than I’m not really sure that I can help you out. Winter is getting on us pretty quick and even out here at Beatbox Central in America’s Finest City the ears can get pretty nippy at night. I for one, refuse to allow that to carry one so I have to go with the winter hat (beanie is a pseudo acceptable term, stocking cap is absolutely not acceptable) but I don’t want to wear one without the poof-ball like some kind of hobo. Now there are a few times in life where the poof-ball may be a tad inappropriate but for the most part its all poof-ball hat all the time. Just in case you think the Boston Beatbox doesn’t walk the walk as well as talk the talk here ya go:
Dopest. Poof-ball Hat. Ever. And yes it does have ear flaps and additional poof-balls on the ends of the strings. Although to be honest I have no idea what those strings are for but they are pretty bitchin’ either way.
although winter hats of any variety are strictly optional in my neck of the woods
This is Sunny Leone who according to the internet is a former Canadian porn star. Well she’s not a former Canadian, pretty sure thats still current but she IS a former porn star. 32 years old but she’s got some pretty solid career accolades: PenthousePet of the Year in 2003, contract star for Vivid Entertainment, named one of the 12 top porn stars in 2010 by Maxim. Not real familiar with her work but that resume reads like someone who had a good to borderline great career, made some All-Star teams, had some big memorable moments, maybe even won an MVP but not one of the all time greats. No shame there. Oh and according to her Wiki page in a sentence that I am going to choose to believe is 100% accurate: “Before working in the porn industry, she first worked at a German bakery,a Jiffy Lube, and later a tax and retirement firm“. Not sure why but the part about tax and retirement firm just brings it all home for me. Anyways from the looks of it she’s trying to do the mainstream non-whore actress/modelling thing that seems to be so trendy among women who have done unspeakable things on camera for money (and God bless ’em) these days. This is what she looks like: