Category Archives: Twitter

#BearSelfie Is A New Thing That Could Only Possibly End Well

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San Diego UT – Having a smart phone doesn’t necessarily make a person smart. In fact, the device seems to make some people just plain dumb. Case in point. Bear selfies. In fact, stopping to take a picture of oneself while a large, powerful mammal that could rip you to shreds in seconds lurks close behind, has become such a popular thing to do that the U.S. Forest Service officials in South Lake Tahoe are warning the shutterbugs to stop. Because it’s dangerous, people! “We’ve had mobs of people that are actually rushing toward the bears trying to get a ‘selfie’ photo,”  The Taylor Creek area of Lake Tahoe is a popular place for visitors and is also the site of the fall fish festival, a family event that includes fish painting, a treasure hunt, mascots Lulu the Lahontan Cutthroat Trout and Sandy and Rocky Salmon, the Bumble Bee ice cream truck and the ever popular giant inflatable fish. Visitors are even pulling their cars over along state Route 89 and venturing off the road and off trails to get the snapshots of the wild creatures. It has gotten so bad that officials are threatening to shut down the area. “It is presenting a safety issue,” Herron told the paper. “We are afraid someone is going to get attacked.” According to the Forest Service, there are 25,000 to 30,000 black bears in California. A male bear can weigh as much as 500 pounds and run as fast as 35 mph.

 

This supposedly some new trend among attention whores on on the internet, to stop and turn your back on a bear in the wild so you can take (an admittedly fucking bad ass) selfie for Instagram. I say supposedly because this has the feeling of one of those things where in reality only a handful of people actually did it but Old Media gets confused by The Al GoreTube Network and next thing you know taking selfies with apex predators in the wild becomes a “trend”. But lets assume this really is a thing that is indeed a trend among people who have regular access to wild black bears, I think we can all agree that these people are lunatics. That bear might look docile and whatever just chillin eating some berries and grubs but if he decides he wants to eat you he can. I’m no bear expert but I would think if he wanted you as a snack or if he was just doing Darwin’s dirty work because you annoyed him I would imagine the perfect time would be when this dumbass, unarmed, pork chop lookin mothafucker with an iphone turns it’s back. And when someone inevitably gets mauled by a bear thats trying to get every last bit of easy protein before turning in for the winter can we all agree that it should not have to be hunted down and shot? Like I get that’s our normal response to animals that eat a human and normally I understand and support that thinking but this is different. I feel like anytime you stop and do something inconsiderate, dangerous or just not smart all in the name of taking a selfie, whatever happens to you is on you. The laws and conventions of society are suspended for however long you’re self-indulgence takes.

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How about that Fall Fish Festival huh? Treasure Hunts, Lulu the Cutthroat Trout and the ever popular giant inflatable fish?! And they have fish painting! I have no idea what fish painting is or how it works but I assume it has something to do with both painting and a fish, maybe you paint pictures for the fish? Or of the fish? or maybe with the fish, like you use the fish as a brush to paint? So so so sooo many possibilities at the South Tahoe Fall Fish Fest.

Jose Canseco’s New Life Mission: US Congressman

Whew, the fine people of the great state of Nevada can relax and breathe easy now.  In case anybody missed this in all of the maddness that was Week 17 I just wanted to let everyone know Jose Canseco wants to run for Congress.  Like US Congress.  As in the one in Washington DC.  All 4 of the state’s current sitting congressmen are up for re-election in 2014.   Jose Canseco to the rescue. Boom. You’re all welcome. For real though the people of Nevada dont even have to worry about congressional elections at this point, just write in Jose Canseco for all four of the seats and watch the problems begin to fix themselves.

I personally dont think this goes far enough. I know Big Mac is the hitting coach in LaLa Land but I feel like Jose should be able to talk him into leaving Chavez Ravine to reunite The Bash Brothers for a run at the White House in 2016. I’m starting it now Canseco/McGwire 2016! Bash Brothers For ‘Murica!

Honestly is there anything Jose Canseco CANT do? Or at least wont openly beg for on Twitter? Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Chicago Cubs manager, US Congressman from Nevada. One of the most interesting personalities on twitter without a doubt.

PS –

How relieved do you thing Gov Sandoval is? Jose was going to run for Governor but decided to allow Gov Sandoval to keep his job because he likes him too much. Thats a classy and respectable move by Representative Canseco right there, not forcing Gov Sandoval to hold a completely unscheduled and taxpayer funded Gubernatorial election just so he could steal his job.

“Dang, Jose Canseco just took all our Congressional seats again” – ‘Murica!

#yeswecanseco #cansecocongress #CansecoMcGwire2016 #BashBrosForMurica

Sonia Tlev, The French Connection

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Today I bring to you, my peoples, Sonia Tlev.  Ms. Tlev is a 24yr old fitness blogger from Paris and she does a pretty solid job over on Instagram.  That seems to be all the info of note, which is fine because her ass seriously just does not quit.  It’s unreal.  Almost makes me forget that Paris is a smelly city inhabited by genetic surrender monkeys.  To be fair though if I thought I even had a slight chance I would gladly wade knee deep through Parisian mimes and sexually aggressive yet confused skunks to get within the gravitational pull of dat ass.

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Price Is Right Model Amber RT’d Me Which According To Internet Law Makes Her My GF

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If you missed my blog from the other day about Bob Barker returning to the Price is Right for his 90th Birthday that featured a pretty awesome photo gallery of Barker’s Beauty and Seattle Seahawks cheerleader Amber Lancaster don’t worry because she didn’t:

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Yup, thats right folks.  Price Is Right Model Amber Lancaster saw my blog post and the lady obviously digs how amazingly thoughtful and chivalerous I was in the construction of her gallery.  So much so that she was insistent on sharing it with everyone she knows.  Amber could have just Favorited that tweet as a little secret nod in my direction but no, that wasn’t good enough for her.  Ms Lancaster wanted to proclaim our relationship from the internet rooftops via a RT which according to internet law makes it official.  Obviously now that we’ve taken our internet relationship public I can now break my silence and tell the world that yes, Amber Lancaster is totally my internet girl friend.

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From Russia With Love: Svetlana Ibragimova

Svetlana Ibragimova27 Svetlana Ibragimova7this is what “Dripping Sex” looks like

Svetlana Ibragimova is a Russian model, I think?  She’s definitely Russian, of this I am sure.  Can’t really find anything else about this girl, at least not in English.  I don’t really care though and I have a sneaking suspicion anyone out there reading this probably doesn’t either.  I’ll just state the obvious, this girl is an absolute Show Stopper of the finest order.  There’s no other way around it.  It would also appear she doesnt speak a goddamn lick of English, which kind of makes her perfect since in any theoretical green card relationship situation you wouldn’t have to really communitcate with her at all.  And is it just me or is a Russian accent on a girl impossibly hot? It’s not just me is it? I’m pretty sure its hot because you feel like James Motherfucking Bond sleeping with the enemy.  Just one of those things left over from the Cold War I guess. Here she is folks, the product of generations of Communist breading programs (are we really sure that the Soviet Union was ALL bad?) :
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Shanahan vs Snyder ft RG III as a Toy Firetruck

ESPN – Kirk Cousins will replace Robert Griffin III at quarterback Sunday when the Washington Redskins face the Atlanta Falcons.  A team source on Tuesday said owner Dan Snyder would not intervene if Shanahan decided to make a switch at quarterback.  Shanahan, whose job security has been a topic of widespread scrutiny, said Monday he spoke with Snyder that morning and that if he switched quarterbacks, he’d discuss it first with the owner.

Wow.  An NFL Head Coach benching the second year “Superstar Franchise QB” for the end of the regular season just to spite the team’s owner and the QB.  This little tift between Mike Shanahan and Dan Snyder reminds me of two petulant children fighting over who gets to play with the toy firetruck.  Snyder starts yelling that Shanny took his toy and isn’t playing with it right.  Shanahan gets irritated screams about how its his toy and he knows how to play firetrucks, he’s had firetrucks before.  Snyder tell Shanny he’s not “playing firetrucks the right way!” Shanny then ends up breaking the firetruck and now nobody has an awesome firetruck with real working sirens to play with.  And the firetruck likes being played with by Snyder more than Shanny….I guess.  This analogy really fell apart quickly towards the end there but you get what I’m saying.  Either way this whole thing is kind of awesome.  Dan Snyder is a Jewish Jerry Jones (sure Redskins fans love that comparison) and Shanahan may be the most over rated and insufferable NFL HC of the last 20 years.  Dude is STILL riding the coat tails of the two SuperBowls he won with John Elway in Denver, the second of which was FOURTEEN years ago and he drags his stupid son with him every where he goes.  And in the middle is RG III, a coddled primadonna “superstar” QB who whines about his HC and OC to the owner (and murdering the 13yr old girl twitter game.  seriously).  When this stupid little Mexican standoff they’re having in DC is over all three parties involved will end up losing which means in the end, we all win.

Two boys fighting over toy firetruck

Cool Pope Was A Bouncer Back in the Day

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Inqistr –Pope Francis worked as a bouncer at a nightclub in his younger days. The establishment he worked for was a bar-come-nightclub in Buenos Aires, where he was employed during his days as a student.  Pope Francis is definitely the most colorful Pope in recent memory, and certainly has somewhat of a checkered past. He is also known to be a big tango enthusiast and even had a dance partner/girlfriend before he became a holy man.  On top of all that, Pope Francis is also known to be a closet charity giver, following claims that he sneaked out of the Vatican at night to give money to poor people in Rome.  Whichever way you look at it, the current Pope is certainly “out there” when it comes to his approach to religion. He has made the headlines more than once for inviting homeless people to dine with him, calling worshippers on the phone, and even washing the feet of young criminals.  Not to mention the numerous selfies and Tweets he has posted as he tries to encourage the Catholic church to reach out to young people via social media.

Well get a load of the Cool Pope.  This guy is something else, just re-defining the Pope-ing game forever.  And can you imagine if the club he worked at was your neighborhood watering hole way back when His Popeness was running the door.  Good luck trying to argue your way back in with a man whom God has deemed infallible.  Or how about his ex-gf?  There is a woman out there somewhere in Argentina (assuming Vatican hit squads havent gotten to her) that at one point was getting regularly dicked down by a man with God’s direct phone number.   I’m not really sure what that bit about “a checkered past” exactly means but since it was mentioned seperately from the tango dancer/he like girls thing so I assume he was running back alley poker games or running a cock fighting ring in Buenos Aires.  Fucking A, the Cool Pope is cooler than I am. Tango Dancing nightclub bouncing, secret charity giving, pussy slaying, backdoor card game running? Francis just been Pope-in’ since Pope-in’ since Pope-in’

JorgeBergoglioFor the record Young Cool Pope was a pretty sharp looking dude, from a totally not gay point of view.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that…