Category Archives: TV

Steven Seagal Wants to Run For Gov of Arizona

pictured above: the next Governor of Arizona

Daily Beast – With Arnold Schwarzenegger out of office, there’s obviously an opening for an action star-turned politician in elected office. Enter Steven Seagal. The actor said earlier this week that he is considering running for governor of Arizona, following his collaboration with Sheriff Joe Arpaio for a reality television show. The show, filmed in Arizona in 2011, will start airing this month on the Reelz Network. Seagal said he wants to enhance border security, an issue he believes in even more strongly after his friendship with Arapio. “When somebody asks if Joe Arpaio’s a racist, I’m not going to say I don’t think so,” Seagal said. “I’m going to say I know he’s not a racist. He doesn’t care what nationality you are. He cares if you’re a criminal.

So this is a thing, a thing that is real in this actual world.  Steven Seagal is considering a run for Governor of Arizona because back in 2011 he was on a reality TV show playing policeman in Mariacopa County, Arizona with the worst law enforcement official in ‘Murica! Sheriff Joe Arpaio and somehow really liked it.  If you’ve ever been to Arizona you know that this is truely the first sign of lunacy.  Apparently Seagal’s entire campaign platform is going to be something along the lines of “hey Mex-ee-cans, the fuck yew think yer doin here? Get back over the fence!” because that’s Sheriff Joe’s bag.  And you can relax guys because its definitely not that Sheriff Joe is just some power mad racist old white man because Sheriff Joe is totally NOT a racist.  Gov Seagal doesn’t just think Arpaio’s not a racist, he knows Sheriff Joe isn’t a racist.  Shit I bet he even tips his gardeners around the holidays.

PS –

If this actually comes to fruition and we get to Marked For Death running the cowboy state of Arizona then I say we here in the Golden State need to hop to it and get the Governator back in Sacramento.  We simply can not allow Arizona to have an action star Governor right in our eyes like that? They’re going to have a more famouse action star Governor than the home of Hollywood? Bullfuckingshit! We need vote Ahnold back into the Governor’s Mansion (we have one of those right? I mean I know Arnold has his own but does one come with the job? Probably) and have ourselves a good old fashioned no holds barred Governor vs Governor Hell-In-A-Cell.  I would watch the ever living shit out of that fight.

Double PS –
Governator Schwartenager wins this thing in a bloodbath. He single handedly exploded a Predator that one time. Oh and he’s a T-800, duh

Backdoor Teen Mom Somehow Found A New Way To Publicly Humiliate Herself

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MSN – Farrah Abraham has some explaining to do. The MTV alum turned porn star has been accused of faking a relationship with Brian Dawe for the purpose of making it on VH1’s “Couples Therapy” — and some people, including fellow “Teen Mom” star Jenelle Evans, are not very happy about it.  Dawe told Starcasm that the “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom” star hired him to be her boyfriend.  “Farrah told me to lie to the network and tell them the relationship was real,” Dawe said in the interview, which he also shared on his Facebook page. “I hesitated but reluctantly went along with it initially.”  Dawe ended up not doing the show, leaving Abraham to face Dr. Jenn Berman alone. He told Starcasm he couldn’t go through with the alleged lie and sent an email to the producers informing them of his decision.  “I decided my morals and integrity were worth more than any amount of money,” he explained. “I stepped out of the security line [at the airport] and made a life-changing decision to stand up for what I believe in and turn down the check I would be receiving for my appearance on this show.”

This walking pile of muff cabbage is a real fucking piece of work.  I mean if being one of the bigger train-wrecks on Teen Mom, a show that may or may not be the harbinger of the apocalypse, isn’t enough degrading yourself for money she went out and made a full blown porn.  In a desperate grab for attention and equipped with a really loose grasp on how the shelf life of fame and straight up whoring work she did some super dirty, super degrading stuff in that video (or so I’ve been told. by friends that have seen it) and then had her father negotiate the deal with Vivid for her.  I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to sympathize with her pops or something here but I think having to be te agent for your teenage daughter’s absolutely raw and filthy anal hammering porn is exactly the punishment this guys deserves for being possibly the worst person at their job since Lincoln’s Theater Security detail.  Chris Rock said it best “as a father you have only one job in life: keep your daughter off the pole.  If she’s dancin’ on a pole you FUCKED up!”  Her father would love it if his baby girl was merely dancing on a pole in some club by the airport for dollar bills from Thai businessmen.  But he done fucked up something special at raising a daughter.  Pregnant before she can get her driver’s license, getting her O-ring blown out in a full fledged porn that she advertised to the world and now this, hiring some no-name schmuck to pretend to be her boy friend so she can keep the spotlight on her pathetic ass a little longer and get on some ridiculous VH1 reality show.  The worst best part of this whole thing is just how perfectly homeboy played his hand.  Pretends to be her boyfriend in a troubled relationship with a professional whore, believable enough to get them on the show.  Then in line at the air port he just skips out, chucks up deuces and runs to the tabloids to tell everyone she was going to pay him for the whole charade but his “integrity” or whatever got in the way and he just couldn’t go through with it.  Right guy, it was your integrity that suddenly crept up on you after you snaked all kinds of folks.  You sure it wasn’t the fact that you knew this chick is at the “Finish Her” Mortal Kombat stage of her public (and possibly actual) life, is super desperate to stay relevant and that you would get a huge publicity boost for essentially leaving her at the Reality TV altar.  Every time I think this broad has hit rock bottom she proves that its nothing but a trap door.  Its crazy, she’s at a point now where she may as well just embrace that she clearly loves two things: attention and getting the bejeezus fucked out of her, and just become a full-time porn star.  Whatever she does I’m sure it will be cringe educing and very public.

US Army Vietnam Veteran James Avery aka Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince Dead at 65

d22ferdrrdw566lnpycc27NOV1945 – 31DEC2013

What to say in a moment like this? Woke up in 2014 to the news that a rather large piece of my childhood is now truly gone, never able to return. I was conflicted on whether or not I should even post this but I had. Probably more for me than for anyone else. After surviving two tours of combat duty with United States Army in Vietnam during its bloodiest days it appears that he died following open-heart surgery Tuesday afternoon.  Playing the perfect straight man for Will Smith’s comedy routine on a sitcom that redefined American culture and how African-Americans were viewed in society as a whole.  Walk up to anyone from my generation and begin singing the words “Iiin West Philadelphia…” I bet you a hundred million internet dollars the people around you will be joining in by the time you get to “born and raised”.  Thats how influential and important the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Judge Phillip “Zeke” Banks, childhood pig racer and black activist, help the family together and gave America their weekly does of morals with his stern consternation of Will’s seemingly harmless hijinx.  From all accounts it seems the world lost a truly great man yesterday, he was one of the last ones the bastard got in 2013. So go out today while celebrating the New Year and pour a little out on the curb for James Avery (aka Uncle Phil)…

All 90’s Week Flags are to remain at half-mast until further notification. Now DJ hit me one time:

Price Is Right Model Amber RT’d Me Which According To Internet Law Makes Her My GF

AmberLancasterRTSerious

If you missed my blog from the other day about Bob Barker returning to the Price is Right for his 90th Birthday that featured a pretty awesome photo gallery of Barker’s Beauty and Seattle Seahawks cheerleader Amber Lancaster don’t worry because she didn’t:

AmberRT

Yup, thats right folks.  Price Is Right Model Amber Lancaster saw my blog post and the lady obviously digs how amazingly thoughtful and chivalerous I was in the construction of her gallery.  So much so that she was insistent on sharing it with everyone she knows.  Amber could have just Favorited that tweet as a little secret nod in my direction but no, that wasn’t good enough for her.  Ms Lancaster wanted to proclaim our relationship from the internet rooftops via a RT which according to internet law makes it official.  Obviously now that we’ve taken our internet relationship public I can now break my silence and tell the world that yes, Amber Lancaster is totally my internet girl friend.

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Go Navy! Beat Army! Stop Bangin Goats!

“Join the Navy, they said. See the world and gain valuable life experiences they promised. Not one motherfucking time did anyone mention having to rape a goat on national TV in a wintry mix. Such bullshit!”

Seriously though that is a tough, tough look for that guy and really for the United States Navy as a whole. For a service with a questionable reputation of buggery at sea they should probably try to cut down on the bestiality on terra firma.  Havent they ever heard “its not gay underway, its only queer at the pier”? Fucking midshipmen cant get anything right.

PS –
Just for the record:

ARMY    07
NAVY    34

That makes a clean dozen in a row for The Midshipmen over The Cadets. Suck it Army.

Go Navy! Beat Army!

Emmy Rossum Did an Esquire Photo Shoot and It Is Awesome

My girl Emmy Rossum has an interview coming out in January in Esquire. That’s not anywhere near the important part, not by a long shot. She did a photo shoot to accomany the interview and the spread of pictures is in a word: boner-conjuring. Is that one word? I think the hyphen makes it all one word.  Fuck it, I’m getting light headed over here. This is why one of my first orders of business when I launched OneLastLine  was to make her my secret internet girl friend (hi babe). These pics though, so god damn sexy…

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Bob Barker Returns To The Price Is Right for His 90th Birthday This Thursday!

LA Times – Bob Barker retired from the “The Price Is Right” in 2007, but he can’t stay away. The legendary 90-year-old game show host and pet advocate will be making a return appearance on the game show on Thursday to celebrate his birthday.  Barker began hosting “Price Is Right” in 1972 and left in 2007. Since his departure, he’s made just one other appearance on the show, in 2009, to promote his autobiography.

I’ve made it perfectly clear in the past how much I love The Price Is Right.  Just a juggernaut of Daytime TV. PisR survived the Soap Opera Boom, The Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Craze,  the Talk Shows.  Yet all of them have seen the wave crest and watched the tide roll back. All that is except PisR. And now Bob Barker will make his triumphant return this Thursday in celebration of his 90th Birthday.    I just really hope that they don’t have any pregnant or dude models on for this show.  Bob Barker deserve to get his old wrinkley balls fondled (possibly by coersion) in his dressing room one last time.  Barker just saddling back up to the personal pussy buffet he created for himself back when being a “Barker’s Beauty” still meant something (mostly that you weren’t a dude or a pregnant chick).  Although if they do have that male model on PisR Thursday it would be awesome to watch Bob assault him with his cane (I assume he has a cane, the man is 90 ferchrissake).  The picture in my head of a 90yr old Bob Barker just hacking away at some pretty boy’s knee caps and shins while berating Drew Carey for allowing this cracks me right the fuck up.  No matter what happens I know one thing in this world to be a true and honest fact: Thursday 12Dec2013 10am PCT on CBS is absolute appointment television for Bob Barker’s return to The Price Is Right!

Here’s a little Bob Barker Price Is Right highlight real from over the years:

aaaaaaaaaaannnd my personal favorite Barker’s Beauty of all-time Amber Lancaster:
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