Category Archives: I Told You So

Women Need to Run for 5 hrs to Burn Off Christmas

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Daily Mail Women will need to run for five hours two minutes to burn off the food they eat on Christmas Day, while men face jogging for four hours 25 minutes, a study found.Women will consume 3,514 calories on December 25 and men a waist-expanding 3,640 calories – up to 76 per cent more than the recommended daily allowance.

Welp there you have it ladies.  As if you needed any further reasoning science is now officially assigning a number of hours required to run to burn off a Christmas spent indulging in sugarplums or whatever.   I personally have no issue with a girl getting down with the get down at the X-Mas dinner table. Do what you gotta do babe, Lord knows the winter holidays were made for wanton glutinous behavior. Just get that ass out the door bright and early. Get to working those 3500 calories off and I’ll see you in 5 hours 6 hours (just to be safe). Hell by then I’ll probably be hungry and need a sandwich or something anyway so in the end it all times out pretty well. Thanks science, good lookin out.

Lance Armstrong Paid Some Pisan $10G to Throw a Bike Race

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NY Daily News – A former pro cyclist from Italy has accused Lance Armstrong of buying a fraudulent race victory in 1993 and of personally delivering the cash bribe hidden in a cake box.  The report in Corriere della Sera concludes that the 22-year-old Armstrong was already cheating even before the period in which he is known to have started earnestly abusing performance-enhancing drugs.  Gaggioli said that Armstrong told him before the start of the event that Gaggioli’s team, named for sponsor Coors Light, had accepted a $100,000 payment to ride slowly and let Armstrong take the win.

Remember yesterday when I said that if Lance was going to be back in the news then he better fully embrace the role of a heel?  I made the comparison to when Hulk Hogan turned his back on the WCW and Macho Man Randy Savage at the ’96 Bash at the Beach.  Well apparently good old Lance heard me and I LOVE IT!  Suddenly it all makes sense why he came out of relative hiding so suddenly tot hand ESPN quotes that felt like they came right out of the Iron Sheik’s playbook.  He knew this bribery story was coming out and would further damage whatever is left of his reputation so he did the logical thing and just took a sledgehammer to it himself.  Classic slash and burn tactics.  Burn the crops, kill the livestock and poison the wells as your enemies converge on you leaving nothing useful for them.  Not a ton of satisfaction to be gained from conquering a burning trash pile.  This is first day Public Relations stuff.  Well played Lance, well played indeed.

So I Guess I’m Assembling a Real-Life Scooby Doo Team Now?

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I guess this is where my life has come to now.  In my late 20’s and all I want to do is assemble a kick ass Scooby Doo Team but whatever, the heart wants what it wants.  (It’s crazy how somethings in life just are.  Just not really meant to be understood. Right Bobby Griffin x3?) Plus I’m going to be the co-owner of my very own thoroughly kick ass gold mining ghost town ft/ a bar and liquor license very shortly that would be a perfect setting for a little Scooby Dooin’ around.  From what I envision a Scooby Doo Team  would basically consist of hanging around getting stoned with your friends in a bitchin’ custom van, go on some random adventures, eat sandwiches and solve a few mysteries.  I LOVE all of those things!

I would like to campaign right here and now for Shaggy being the sneaky greatest role of all time.  Sure, it’s true that Fred is definitely putting the screws to Daphne but that leaves Velma all cold and alone on those long nights in sketchy ass remote locations.  She may be a tad on the mousey side but I have to believe there’s a little sex kitten locked up in there.  Don’t know why, just a hunch.  It’s not like Shaggy would really even have to try that hard, Velma is a girl and girls are infinitesimally jealous if one of their friends is getting some steady D right in front of them.  Amplify that by 1000x when said girls are part of a traveling foursome in a shaggin wagon.  Let Fred romp around all day and night with the two chatty broads while Shaggy wanders around kickin it with Scoob doin the whole getting stoned eating sandwiches bit.  To surmise Shaggy gets to hang out with his dog, smokin J’s, eatin snacks and then returns to the van for some effort-free sex with a slightly frumpy but overall cute girl.  Shaggy.

One of the Best Parts of Winter

sexy11The Best part of winter…

I know winter can be awful at times, especially in the northern climates.  But the season doesn’t have to be  all over priced holidays, awful music on repeat and ball breaking snow storms.  No, even though the sun will go down before 4pm for the next three months there is at least one thing to look forward to: it is officially Peppermint Schnapps Season! In these cold winter months, especially on the run up to Christmas no one in their right mind will question a person with rosy cheeks and just a hint of peppermint on their breath. You aren’t drunk, just in the “Holiday Spirirt”!  Thats right kids, this is the time of year when it becomes perfectly acceptable to dump some Rumpelminz into our morning coffees, mid-afternoon hot chocolates and evening eggnogs.  If you live somewhere cold and don’t spend at least 85% of the upcoming  month with at least a toasty buzz, you’re doing it all wrong.

sexy10…is that it will be Summer again at some point

I’m Back!

Beatbox Internal Monolog: Alright today’s the day we’re getting OLL going again! How should we kick this off? A video with chicks on horses? Done done and done. Beatbox you clever bastard

Hey everybody! Welcome back to OneLastLine, I know I haven’t been around much these last few months but rest assured I am back and intend to be in full swing keeping you mutts as entertained as possible as we all make our way through this work a day world.

Please accept the following video as a token of my gratitude for not only your patients with my unpredictable writing schedule but also for comming back. This video is sorta-NSFW, no nakedness but it is scorching fucking hot,  One of the hottest things I’ve ever seen and I’ve had sex with a real girl before. Seriously toss in some headphones, hit play and enjoy:

If this isn’t the hottest 1:06 of your Monday morning then Bravo good sir, Bravo

There’s Some Magic in These Sox

MikeCarp2Pictured Above: The missing piece to a RedSox 2013 World Series Run

Mike Carp! I knew it all along!  At this point at the tail end of the Dog Days of Summer it is becoming increasingly difficult to deny that their is something magical about the group over at 4 Yawkee Way.  They just keep pulling out wins they probably shouldn’t.  Last night they were down 3-1 came back to tie the affair up before a wall scraping double and a flare juuuuust over the outstretched glove of Manny Machado gave the Sox the lead for good in the 8th.  Different heroes every night, role players coming up with massive hits in clutch spots.  Remember BMore needs these games.  If the BoSox can complete the sweep on Thursday night the O’s season is effectively O-V-A ova kid.

This is obviously coming from a completely 100% unbiased observer.  Unless you count the time on Opening Day that I almost ordered a #44 Jackie Bradley Jr jersey (yup, thats real).  If you count that then I guess I am quite biased.  But still, Mike Carp!

RedSoxGirls2This is pretty much how I see the Red Sox chances in October right now

Yasiel Puig Removed from Game in 5th Inning

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ESPN – Dodgers manager Don Mattingly pulled star rookie Yasiel Puig from Wednesday’s win against the Chicago Cubs in the fifth inning for disciplinary reasons. Mattingly would not disclose the exact reason for Puig’s benching.

After the game, Puig met with Mattingly and general manager Ned Colletti in Mattingly’s office for about 30 minutes.  Puig said Mattingly explained his removal had to do with his defensive readiness.

I hate to say “I told you so” but….Oh wait no the fuck I don’t.

Maybe he didn’t get arrested but his BA has dropped over 100points since the All Star break (remember when it was a crime he didn’t make the National League Team?) and he’s taking his bad ABs out in the field with him. Donny Baseball trying anything and everything under the sun to get through this kid’s skull without tanking the Doyers World Series dreams. Tough when the player in question is such an unbelievable talent. Sometimes Ricky Henderson ability comes with Ricky Henderson personality.