Category Archives: be afraid

Wu-Tang Wednesdays

WuTang

So I’ve decided that since we’re into the New Year (is that supposed to be capitalized) now is a good time to introduce some new things I want to do here around OneLastLine. One of the first things I would like to get done is to make it official and institute Wu-Tang Wednesdays. Around lunch (on the West Coast) every Wednesday I’m going to post at least one video or song from the Wu-Tang Clan or one of its many members’ solo shit. My train of logic is that lunch time on Wednesday is damn near exactly halfway through the workweek and we could all use a little pick me up to try and close out the second half of the week. Now bring da Mothafuckin Ruckus!

this video is dope

Rick Ross Is Suing LMFAO For Intellectual Copyright Infringement

HuffPo – Ross is suing the electronic-rap duo, claiming they lifted the line “Everyday I’m shufflin'” for their 2010 hit, “Party Rock Anthem.” Ross used the lyric first — except his was “Everyday I’m hustlin'” — in the 2006 song “Hustlin,'” which appeared on the rapper’s debut album, “Port of Miami.”  The Hollywood Reporter obtained a copy of the lawsuit, which claims, “The use of ‘Hustlin’ in ‘Party Rock Anthem’ is readily apparent, despite the slight change from ‘Everyday I’m hustlin” … to ‘Everyday I’m shufflin” … and constitutes, inter alia, the creation of an unauthorized derivative work.”  Ross is accusing LMFAO, which includes Stefan Kendal Gordy (Redfoo) and Skyler Austen Gordy (Sky Blu), of “perform[ing] in a manner to sound like” his own track. The rapper is seeking an injunction and maximum statutory damages, according to THR.

 

Since I always want to be fair and equal here are the two songs in question:

LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem

This is an actual recording of a real live tire fire fueled by bags of dog shit (yet secretly its kind of awesome)

Rick Ross – Everyday I’m Hustlin’

The Fat Man actually did a pretty solid job on this track.  The best one off of his debut Port of Miami? Maybe I don’t know I haven’t listened to it in a while and I’m not going to do that right now for the purposes of this blog but I do remember this CD (feeling a little old right about now) being pretty hot in the streets back in ’06

 

 

This time we all lose Johnny.  I mean ferchissake, has anyone ever composed a more ridiculous sentence than “Rick Ross is suing LMFAO for violating Intellectual Copyright”?  Nobody could have right? Like this shit is just straight up and down fake life as all hell.  Can you imagine the plate of awfulness that the judge or whoever it is that has to hear this lawsuit and then file a proper ruling has to eat everyday he goes to work.  Fucking-A man, fuck-ing-A.  Shit and we think our jobs suck.  That guy’s job sucks a giant bag of dicks (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Anyways how about Rick Ross’ timing with this lawsuit huh?  The song in question, “Party Rock Anthem” was #1 on the Billboard 100 in 2010 and was used during the Super Bowl Halftime show in 2012.  So filling a lawsuit for “stealing” the phrase “Everyday I’m hustlin'” in 2014 is the obvious move.  Fucking nobody would see that coming!  Perfect time to get the drop on LMFAO.  A legalese tactical genius, this Rick Ross is I tells ya. Not a chance Redfoo and Sky Blu had their shit together for a lawsuit.  So ya, I guess you could say its safe to assume that Rick Ross is doing quite well these these days, financially speaking. Good job, good effort.

Steven Seagal Wants to Run For Gov of Arizona

pictured above: the next Governor of Arizona

Daily Beast – With Arnold Schwarzenegger out of office, there’s obviously an opening for an action star-turned politician in elected office. Enter Steven Seagal. The actor said earlier this week that he is considering running for governor of Arizona, following his collaboration with Sheriff Joe Arpaio for a reality television show. The show, filmed in Arizona in 2011, will start airing this month on the Reelz Network. Seagal said he wants to enhance border security, an issue he believes in even more strongly after his friendship with Arapio. “When somebody asks if Joe Arpaio’s a racist, I’m not going to say I don’t think so,” Seagal said. “I’m going to say I know he’s not a racist. He doesn’t care what nationality you are. He cares if you’re a criminal.

So this is a thing, a thing that is real in this actual world.  Steven Seagal is considering a run for Governor of Arizona because back in 2011 he was on a reality TV show playing policeman in Mariacopa County, Arizona with the worst law enforcement official in ‘Murica! Sheriff Joe Arpaio and somehow really liked it.  If you’ve ever been to Arizona you know that this is truely the first sign of lunacy.  Apparently Seagal’s entire campaign platform is going to be something along the lines of “hey Mex-ee-cans, the fuck yew think yer doin here? Get back over the fence!” because that’s Sheriff Joe’s bag.  And you can relax guys because its definitely not that Sheriff Joe is just some power mad racist old white man because Sheriff Joe is totally NOT a racist.  Gov Seagal doesn’t just think Arpaio’s not a racist, he knows Sheriff Joe isn’t a racist.  Shit I bet he even tips his gardeners around the holidays.

PS –

If this actually comes to fruition and we get to Marked For Death running the cowboy state of Arizona then I say we here in the Golden State need to hop to it and get the Governator back in Sacramento.  We simply can not allow Arizona to have an action star Governor right in our eyes like that? They’re going to have a more famouse action star Governor than the home of Hollywood? Bullfuckingshit! We need vote Ahnold back into the Governor’s Mansion (we have one of those right? I mean I know Arnold has his own but does one come with the job? Probably) and have ourselves a good old fashioned no holds barred Governor vs Governor Hell-In-A-Cell.  I would watch the ever living shit out of that fight.

Double PS –
Governator Schwartenager wins this thing in a bloodbath. He single handedly exploded a Predator that one time. Oh and he’s a T-800, duh

Does This Look Like The Face of A Man With A Broken Nose?

andy eicholz

ahhhh dude I don’t want to be the one to break the news to you but I think your noss may be slightly broken.  Just sayin’ you might want to get that checked out by a doctor is all

Backdoor Teen Mom Somehow Found A New Way To Publicly Humiliate Herself

IMG_7271

MSN – Farrah Abraham has some explaining to do. The MTV alum turned porn star has been accused of faking a relationship with Brian Dawe for the purpose of making it on VH1’s “Couples Therapy” — and some people, including fellow “Teen Mom” star Jenelle Evans, are not very happy about it.  Dawe told Starcasm that the “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom” star hired him to be her boyfriend.  “Farrah told me to lie to the network and tell them the relationship was real,” Dawe said in the interview, which he also shared on his Facebook page. “I hesitated but reluctantly went along with it initially.”  Dawe ended up not doing the show, leaving Abraham to face Dr. Jenn Berman alone. He told Starcasm he couldn’t go through with the alleged lie and sent an email to the producers informing them of his decision.  “I decided my morals and integrity were worth more than any amount of money,” he explained. “I stepped out of the security line [at the airport] and made a life-changing decision to stand up for what I believe in and turn down the check I would be receiving for my appearance on this show.”

This walking pile of muff cabbage is a real fucking piece of work.  I mean if being one of the bigger train-wrecks on Teen Mom, a show that may or may not be the harbinger of the apocalypse, isn’t enough degrading yourself for money she went out and made a full blown porn.  In a desperate grab for attention and equipped with a really loose grasp on how the shelf life of fame and straight up whoring work she did some super dirty, super degrading stuff in that video (or so I’ve been told. by friends that have seen it) and then had her father negotiate the deal with Vivid for her.  I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to sympathize with her pops or something here but I think having to be te agent for your teenage daughter’s absolutely raw and filthy anal hammering porn is exactly the punishment this guys deserves for being possibly the worst person at their job since Lincoln’s Theater Security detail.  Chris Rock said it best “as a father you have only one job in life: keep your daughter off the pole.  If she’s dancin’ on a pole you FUCKED up!”  Her father would love it if his baby girl was merely dancing on a pole in some club by the airport for dollar bills from Thai businessmen.  But he done fucked up something special at raising a daughter.  Pregnant before she can get her driver’s license, getting her O-ring blown out in a full fledged porn that she advertised to the world and now this, hiring some no-name schmuck to pretend to be her boy friend so she can keep the spotlight on her pathetic ass a little longer and get on some ridiculous VH1 reality show.  The worst best part of this whole thing is just how perfectly homeboy played his hand.  Pretends to be her boyfriend in a troubled relationship with a professional whore, believable enough to get them on the show.  Then in line at the air port he just skips out, chucks up deuces and runs to the tabloids to tell everyone she was going to pay him for the whole charade but his “integrity” or whatever got in the way and he just couldn’t go through with it.  Right guy, it was your integrity that suddenly crept up on you after you snaked all kinds of folks.  You sure it wasn’t the fact that you knew this chick is at the “Finish Her” Mortal Kombat stage of her public (and possibly actual) life, is super desperate to stay relevant and that you would get a huge publicity boost for essentially leaving her at the Reality TV altar.  Every time I think this broad has hit rock bottom she proves that its nothing but a trap door.  Its crazy, she’s at a point now where she may as well just embrace that she clearly loves two things: attention and getting the bejeezus fucked out of her, and just become a full-time porn star.  Whatever she does I’m sure it will be cringe educing and very public.

Jose Canseco’s New Life Mission: US Congressman

Whew, the fine people of the great state of Nevada can relax and breathe easy now.  In case anybody missed this in all of the maddness that was Week 17 I just wanted to let everyone know Jose Canseco wants to run for Congress.  Like US Congress.  As in the one in Washington DC.  All 4 of the state’s current sitting congressmen are up for re-election in 2014.   Jose Canseco to the rescue. Boom. You’re all welcome. For real though the people of Nevada dont even have to worry about congressional elections at this point, just write in Jose Canseco for all four of the seats and watch the problems begin to fix themselves.

I personally dont think this goes far enough. I know Big Mac is the hitting coach in LaLa Land but I feel like Jose should be able to talk him into leaving Chavez Ravine to reunite The Bash Brothers for a run at the White House in 2016. I’m starting it now Canseco/McGwire 2016! Bash Brothers For ‘Murica!

Honestly is there anything Jose Canseco CANT do? Or at least wont openly beg for on Twitter? Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Chicago Cubs manager, US Congressman from Nevada. One of the most interesting personalities on twitter without a doubt.

PS –

How relieved do you thing Gov Sandoval is? Jose was going to run for Governor but decided to allow Gov Sandoval to keep his job because he likes him too much. Thats a classy and respectable move by Representative Canseco right there, not forcing Gov Sandoval to hold a completely unscheduled and taxpayer funded Gubernatorial election just so he could steal his job.

“Dang, Jose Canseco just took all our Congressional seats again” – ‘Murica!

#yeswecanseco #cansecocongress #CansecoMcGwire2016 #BashBrosForMurica

Pretty Sure I Found The Creepiest XMas Commercial of the Season

If that clip doesn’t make you go “bbuuuuhhhhhuu” accompanied by a shutter and maybe a dry heave then you are one fucking twisted puppy.  Make no mistake about it there was zero coincidence between one of the perviest looking pitchmen of all time making one of the perviest noises possible while the shot of the chicks in a jaccuzzi was his backdrop. “Everything Santa needs to slide down the chimney with an aahhh” will possibly haunt me for the rest of the Christmas Season.  Super fucking skeeved out right about now.

PS –

If you buy someone a ping pong table table or a jaccuzzi for Christmas I’m fairly certain I hate you and probably everything you stand for.